Gregs World Cup

Day 18 - Monday June 26 2006

2006-06-27T00:11:00.000-07:00

Italy v Australia

It's Guus Hiddink versus the Azzurri in the Second Round again.

Harry Kewell has gout. Who else but Danger-Prone Harry to be struck down with a freak illness and miss the most important game of his life.

Hiddink plays 4-5-1 with Viduka up on his own, Bresciano and Sterjkovski supporting out wide. Lippi completely changes formation, with Del Piero coming in to play behind Toni and Gilardino in an attack-minded 4-3-1-2. Totti, who has been vilified in the Italian press for his prima donna performances, is left out.

Everyone in our office fancies the Aussies to score the upset. My prediction - Italy win on penalties. We haven't had a lottery yet.

Didn't see much of the first half but Italy seemed to be well on top. Toni misses quite a few chances including one point blank header over and a shot on the turn, saved by the legs of the recalled Mark Schwarzer.

Walked home, got in on the hour mark and Materazzi has been sent off. Dived in two-footed and there seems to be a red card in every game now. But Italy always rise to the occasion with 10 men. Australia have the possession but seem tentative and can't break them down. Cahill misses the Socceroo's best chance when he heads just over from a corner with five minutes left.

Hiddink is saving his substitutions for extra time. Lippi has used all his, including Totti. Aloisi is on up front, but the Aussies aren't really going for it. They seem to be waiting for something to happen. And for a side with an extra man, they're not closing down particularly well.

With 10 seconds left and extra time a near-certainty, Grosso brings the ball down on the left high up the pitch, cuts inside Bresciano and races into the area. Lucas Neill goes to ground, Grosso pushes the ball past him and falls over the Blackburn defender. No hesitation. The referee gives a penalty. Looks pretty clear-cut to me although no doubt the Socceroos will moan.

There's no time left for a restart. The spot-kick will be the last action of the game. Can only imagine the sick feeling of despair festering in the stomachs of the Australian fans. Wouldn't wish this situation on my worst enemy. I would wish it on Ricardo though, preferably with Lampard or Beckham in the position of penalty taker. Maybe on Saturday....

Francesco Totti, off the bench as a sub, has a chance to redeem himself. The seconds before he takes the penalty are pure drama, amplified by the television coverage as the camera flits between Schwarzer and Totti, and the hopeful faces of the Italian and Australian fans. This moment captures all the emotion, the hopes, the fears, the fine line between elation and misery. The pure theatre of World Cup football.

Looking at Totti's eyes, he looks assured. I think he'll score.

Wham. Right foot, top right hand corner. Beautiful strike in the circumstances. Italy have won. On penalties. Kind of.

Switzerland v Ukraine

Have an inkling this will be an absolute snoozefest. The Swiss are the only side not to concede a goal thus far. And both sides have only had two days' rest since their last match, so may be sluggish. Neither team has an inspiring attack, and I don't rate either of their centre forwards.

Ukraine have a chance to reach the quarter-finals even though they lost their opening encounter 4-0. If they make the semis, Oleg Blokhin's side will equal the run of Eastern neighbours Bulgaria in 1994, yet go one better, as the Bulgars were whipped 3-0 in their first game of that tournament.

Senderos, the bloodstained hero of South Korea, will miss the rest of the World Cup with a dislocated shoulder. Not that his presence at the heart of the mean Swiss defence is particularly missed. Kobi Kuhn's dour battlers set their stall out early to keep the speedier Ukrainians at bay, with methodical, no-nonsense defending.

There are few chances in the opening salvos. Shevchenko hits the bar with a bouncing header. Frei does the same with a superb free kick. And that's it. The rest of the half consists of tackles. Lots of tackles. A few headers. And a copious helping of wayward passes and poor excuses for shots.

No yellow cards in the first-half. Then again, this match could do with a few to liven it up.

Second half. Shevchenko's free kick hits a Swiss arm. No way is that a penalty, although Guy Mowbray and Mick McCarthy talk about the incident for a full minute, because there's little else to do. "If that's a talking point, then we're scratching the surface," admits the buffoon McCarthy. He's used the wrong phrase, he means "scraping the barrel". Which is exactly what the BBC did when they employed him as a commentator.

This is poor. Unbelievably poor. Neither side has any quality whatsoever and won't commit men forward. The wife is watching a Channel 4 documentary on organ donation. Sounds preferable.

Have to endure another 30 minutes of extra time. "When they make a film of Andriy Shevchenko's life, they'll edit this bit out," says Mowbray, in perhaps the most entertaining part of the night.

Even the penalty shoot-out isn't exactly gripping. The Swiss can't even score then, Streller, Barnetta and Cabanas all missing with awful spot-kicks. Milevskyi, Rebrov and Gusiev all convert for Ukraine, who stutter into the quarter-finals. Not that either team deserve it.

But tonight's real winners are Italy, who face them in the last eight and are hardly quaking. Oh, and BBC2. Ratings for The Catherine Tate Show must be through the roof.

Day 17 - Sunday June 25 2006

2006-06-25T23:54:00.000-07:00

Fiddler on the Roof

Can't believe Topol was 36, only two years older than me, when he made this film. Also can't believe the utter cack I'll watch on telly while killing away the hours before a crucial England World Cup clash.

Pessimism

The BBC1 panel spend 10 minutes before kick-off pointing out every single deficiency in the England team. "We can't defend set plays. Lone striker isn't Rooney's natural role. Beckham should be dropped. 4-5-1 won't work." Getting really annoyed with this now. There's not an ounce of positivity on display. Even Ian Wright looks like Hansen and Shearer have dragged him down - his usual man in the street exhuberance replaced by defeatist shoulder hunching.

As for me, feeling rather wound up today and this negative claptrap doesn't help. If our boys have developed a 'siege mentality' against the criticism, then I share it. Hope Beckham, in particular, proves the doubters wrong.

England v Ecuador

This is it then. An extremely winnable game for a place in the last eight. In temperatures pushing 100 degrees. Carrick has come in, Hargreaves to right-back. Ecuador at full strength, not that I expect this to be enough. About 90% certain we'll win this. The other 10% is concern over getting a bad injury or a sending-off or an inept referee. No matter how badly we play, surely these South American jobbers will be overawed of the mighty Three Lions....won't they?

First Half

Ecuador do look a little stage-struck early on. Carrick's doing what he came in for. Getting on the ball in front of the back four, laying it off, threading it through. Our midfield shape looks a little better. Hargreaves is linking well with Beckham, getting up and down the right flank with greater energy than Carragher. Sven's tactics look good, for now.

But on 10 minutes, disaster...almost. It's just a long ball, headed on, John Terry fails to deal with it and it loops behind him to Carlos Tenorio, who brings it down inside the box and slots it past the helpless Robinson. Thankfully Ashley Cole has raced back 15 yards to slide in at the last second. The ball deflects off his leg onto the crossbar and over.

You just never know with England.

Still, scary let-offs aside, we're keeping the ball well. Pacing ourselves in the heat. Not really moving forward with much purpose, similar to the Trinidad game. But the stakes are higher. The opposition a little better. And the weather much more oppressive. So I'm not worried. Much.

Lampard has a shot. Mora saves. I'd identified their keeper as a weak link, but he got behind that one well. Frank's got to find the net sooner or later, the amount of shots he's having. Rooney is chasing everything as the lone striker, but his body language screams frustration. 30 minutes gone, we're the better side, but starting to feel uneasy.

Robbo, please stop kicking the ball so long! Crouchie's on the bench, for crying out loud...

Then Beckham chips up a disguised free kick to the back post, Gerrard knocks it back across goal, but Joe Cole can't connect with a header. Joe's not playing that well today. He's double marked on the left-wing and keeps trying his tricks, but they're not working.

Handball! Rooney would have sent Gerrard clear but for an Ecuador sliding interception, which clearly struck the defender's hand. The ref doesn't see it that way.

Half-time. Not much has happened. Apart from Tenorio's chance, Ecuador have just defended, and we've just played keep-ball. Hopefully by conserving energy, England will have enough left for a better second-half display. Hopefully.

Second Half

Hargreaves got a kick on the thigh towards the end of the half, but he emerges and seems OK. And Rooney slips one through to Gerrard who is clearly fouled on the edge of the box. Nothing given, and the standard of refereeing in this tournament continues to slide.

10 minutes in. Move off the couch and start pacing the living room floor. Not enjoying this at all...

Beckham's done little, his set-play delivery has been poor. But Carrick's still probing, he's hardly wasted a pass. Lampard and Gerrard are pushing on with greater urgency, although Stevie G is overhitting everything. Even so, Ecuador are defending with increasing desperation and hardly bothering to attack.

Crouch and Bridge are warming up, Sven and Steve McClaren are studying a sheet of paper, brows furrowed. Beckham looks done in. Maybe the manager will substitute him after all. A change to 4-4-2 looks imminent.

But then England win a free kick about 25 yards out on the left. Becks commands centre-stage as always, blue boots at the ready. He curls it over the wall, it's looking close....but from the BBC camera angle, the ball appears to have nestled in the side netting. But a split-second later, John Motson realises it's actually crept in, off the post, the keeper diving full stretch but unable to get any more than a fingernail to it. England lead. A special from the captain. Relief. Again.

Redemption for Beckham. "Who wants to drop him now? Eh? Eh?" is the cry towards the living room window. Not that there's anyone in the street to hear me, 'cos they're all inside watching the game.

Lampard could have made it two, but drags his shot wide. Rooney, growing in stature and fitness despite the horrible heat, takes one in stride and hits a deflected shot, saved by the goalkeeper. Robinson is called into action at the other end to palm away a rare Ecuador strike. The match has woken up. And England are in control.

Nerves, now. We haven't scored a second, for all Carrick's clever passing and Rooney's excellent hold-up play, bulldozing drive and clever footwork. Becks has been sick on the pitch. The heat has got to him and he's fading. We need to bring him off, replace him with the fresh legs of Lennon. Instead, Sven brings on Carragher and switches Hargreaves to the centre. Remember, when we're 1-0 up and Hargreaves is in the middle, it usually stays 1-0. And Lampard misses an absolute sitter, ballooning it into the Stuttgart air after great work from Rooney.

Five minutes left, the captain finally takes a rest. Lennon's speed helps us keep the ball in their left cornerflag for the remaining minutes. Time's up, do something right and blow your whistle, ref! He duly obliges. England are through to the quarter-finals of the World Cup. And we still haven't played all that well.

Thoughts

It was comfortable, rather than classic. A thoroughly professional performance, considering the sapping conditions. Carrick had a superb game, he has to retain his place. Rooney proved he could play the lone striker role, and who's worried about his metatarsal now? Ashley Cole and Rio Ferdinand were impressive, even though John Terry (FIFA's man of the match, for some reason) was as error-prone as he was against Paraguay. Hargreaves did well again.

And as I predicted on Wednesday, it doesn't matter if Beckham is dire for 89 minutes, or 83 minutes until he's substituted, if he can score the winning goal with a magnificent free kick. Results are all important, not the manner in which they are achieved.

Maybe the media will give Mr Eriksson some credit, for once. I thought he got his tactics spot-on today. But no. The World's Bitterest Stepdad, Ian Wright, says: "I give credit to the lads, but I don't give credit to him." Appalling. Absolutely appalling.

Portugal v Holland

I really want us to play Portugal. And I think we will. It's destiny for us to gain revenge for Euro 2000 and 2004, and to finally lay the ghost of our bogeyman Big Phil.

Marco Van Basten has left out Ruud Van Nistelrooy. Considering the similar treatment he received from Alex Ferguson last season, Ruud might need to change his deoderant.

First Half

Van Bommel nearly scores and gets booked, all in the first two minutes. Then Boulahrouz knees Ronaldo in the chest, and he too receives a yellow card. A heated start.

Robben blatantly dives and looks pleadingly at the ref. His facial expression is hilarious, but his behaviour disgraceful. Already this is shaping up to be a classic, but only in the art of cheating and bad sportsmanship. Maniche gets a yellow card too. That's three in the first 20 minutes.

Aside from that, the game hasn't caught fire. But then a limping Ronaldo manages to release Deco down the right, his cross falls for Pauleta who sidefoots to Maniche, who sidesteps two challenges and finishes with aplomb. 1-0 to Portugal.

Now Scolari's men move the ball around slickly, like they can. Costinha picks up the game's fourth booking. Ronaldo's down again, his thigh strapped and he has to come off. His replacement Simao sets up Pauleta, Van Der Sar blocks the shot with his legs, and Van Persie shoots wide at the other end.

Costinha is sent off for deliberate handball. Rightly so, he'd got away with his second bad foul moments earlier. Early goals and red cards right on the stroke of half-time are in vogue during this World Cup. And Portugal are down to 10 men.

Second Half

The game's picking up now as Holland have to go for broke. Van Bommel tries an overhead, the ball lands on Nuno Valente and rebounds for Cocu to volley against the crossbar. At the other end, Miguel bursts forward from right-back but Van Der Sar is equal to the threat.

The keepers are on form. Ricardo, for all his posing, shows substance as he beats out efforts from Sneijder and Van Bommel. Tension rises, tempers flare. And Figo headbutts Van Bommel right in front of the referee. Send him off, he'll be suspended against England! A yellow card only. Mr Ivanov seems to have lost the plot here.

Simao's free kick curls onto the top of the net, and soon after Figo collapses as Boulahrouz swings his arm across his chest. Contact was minimal, but the Dutch defender is sent off. A melee breaks out on the touchline as the benches and FIFA officials get involved. Immediately from the restart, Deco scythes down Heitinga and he's booked as well. This is starting to remind me of the 1962 Italy v Chile bloodbath and David Coleman's famous rant. "The most stupid, appalling, disgusting and disgraceful exhibition of football, possibly in the history of the game." Actually, it's not quite reached those levels of violence yet.

But Sneijder pushes Petit over, with both hands in his chest, and again only gets yellow. If the referee would only play his cards right and send everyone off, then no matter who wins, there'll be nobody left to face England.

Kuyt is sent through, Ricardo beats him to it, but the blonde Dutchman is offside. Still, this despicable excuse for a goalkeeper takes his chance to thrash around on the grass, gasping in pain like a captured fish. Really can't stand the guy.

Ha ha, Ricardo's in the book. That's about 14 yellow cards now. Deco grabs the ball and throws it away to stop Holland taking a quick free kick. Cocu bundles Deco to the floor, but it's the little Portugese general who sees red. He wanders off, shaking his head. Looked a good decision from where I'm sitting. He's out of the quarter-final too.

Holland aren't going to score here if they play until tomorrow. Not that there'll be any players left. On 90 minutes, Van Bronckhorst gets his second yellow card. The ex-Arsenal full back can count himself the most unlucky of the four dismissed. He goes to sit with his Barcelona colleague Deco and team-mate Boulahrouz to watch the rest of the action, muttering to each other like three schoolboys who've been sent out of class.

It's all over. It will be Portugal v England once again. Scolari continues his record of winning every single one of his World Cup games. Speaking of records, Mr Ivanov has dished out 16 yellow cards and four reds, the most ever in a World Cup match. In his defence, most of these were justified, but he did make a few errors of judgement. Like not sending off Carvalho, Simao, Maniche, Ricardo, Meira, Miguel, Pauleta, oh, and Scolari too.

Even so, thanks to the miracle of the suspension rule, Portugal will line up on Saturday in Gelsenkirchen without Deco or Costinha. Ronaldo may be injured and FIFA may throw the book at Figo for his head butt. Not that this really matters. Scolari can call on the likes of Simao, Petit and Nuno Gomes, so whatever team they field, Portugal will still be strong. Even so, we'll be on a mission for revenge. Two years ago, we were all over them until Rooney went off injured, then we played terribly and still only lost on penalties. This time, we're much stronger. And we can't bring on Phil Neville. All things considered, I'm convinced we will break the hoodoo and reach the last four.

Day 16 - Saturday June 24 2006

2006-06-24T14:51:00.000-07:00

Carrick? Hargreaves? Rooney?

Word coming from Stuttgart is that Sven is finally going to play Michael Carrick against Ecuador, drop Jamie Carragher and move Owen Hargreaves to right-back, and Wayne Rooney will play lone striker with a five-man midfield. Not sure about Hargreaves playing out of position as he's hardly excelled there in the past, but otherwise that looks fine to me. We need to keep the ball because its going to be blistering hot. Carrick will do that. And Crouch will terrify the South Americans coming off the bench.

Yet the Beeb pundits are incredulous at these changes. Hansen and Shearer say Sven is tinkering too much. "Why change the formation at this stage of the tournament?" they scoff. Why? Because Michael Owen got injured, that's why. And everyone's been wanting Carrick to start, yet as soon as Sven picks him, the knives remain out. He can't win.

By the way, 122 English fans were arrested yesterday and there are further skirmishes this afternoon.

The Second Round

Germany v Sweden

Germany have looked good, but haven't played any decent opponents yet. That should change today. Jurgen Klinsmann is one coach who definitely knows his best team, as he's hardly changed his personnel. Metzelder returns in place of Huth, but nine of the starting 11 have played all four games so far.

Ibrahimovic is back for Sweden. "The most overrated player in world football," according to Martin O'Neill.

Gary Lineker points out that Germany have done a fantastic job of hosting this World Cup and the German people are now massively behind Klinsmann and his team. Biting down on his tongue, Lineker says further progress for the hosts is important for the tournament. "As long as they don't win it," he adds.

First Half

Germany race out of the traps. As the Munich fans roar them on, they take the lead on four minutes. A long ball forward, it falls to Ballack who puts Klose in on goal. Isaksson reaches it first, but the ball runs loose to Podolski who stabs it goalwards. Olaf Mellberg can only help it on its way in trying to clear, and the Germans are off the bench and celebrating like lunatics. Under Jurgen Klinsmann, the German team not only play exciting football, but their players and coaching staff show emotion. Dare I say it, they are almost likeable.

And they're also vulnerable in defence. A mistake by Metzelder lets Henrik Larsson in, but Ballack does just enough to put him off. The Swede's shot hits the side netting.

What an exciting start. Klose and Ballack also have chances. Then Germany make it two. Schweinsteiger finds Klose, who runs at the two Swedish centre-backs. Both go with him, leaving space for his reverse pass to find Podolski. The youngster finishes calmly and even reserve goalie Oliver Kahn's stony face shows a flicker of a smile.

Apart from the never-say-die Freddie Ljungberg, Sweden look leaden-footed and short on ideas. Perhaps they shot their bolt against England. Today, their set-plays come to nothing. And in their half, Germany are running rings round them, showing great movement, dummies, backheels, and everything else that's unGermanlike.

But for Isaksson, it could be six or seven for Germany. Klose and Podolski show a telepathic understanding. Ballack is getting time on the ball to play killer passes. Schweinsteiger is popping up all over the place. Lahm is overlapping. Frings is charging forward. And Germany are playing irresistible football.

With time running out in the first-half, it gets worse for Sweden. Teddy Lucic is sent off for a second bookable offence. The 19th dismissal of this championship. Petr Hansson comes on as substitute. But not even bringing on Alan Hansen could save Sweden now.

Second Half

Germany played the first 45 minutes at a frightening pace in the heat. Something had to give, and sure enough they begin to slow down. Then on 53 minutes, Metzelder barges Larsson in the back, inside the area. Penalty! A chance for Sweden to get back into the game, but the veteran striker does his best Chris Waddle impression and the chance is gone.

The penalty miss deflates the Swedes yet further. They fail to create another goalscoring opportunity for the rest of the match. Instead, Lagerback's men can only marvel as their goalkeeper prevents an absolute thrashing. Ballack's shot is tipped onto the post by Isaksson. The big man also saves from substitute Neuville. And Schneider's deflected hit comes back off the woodwork.

If John Motson has The Chuckle, then Mark Bright has The Giggle. It's a really girlie one, too.

Germany win at a canter. Thank God we didn't have to play them. They had 26 shots on goal in this match. That's even more than Frank Lampard.

Assuming Argentina win tonight, the hosts will play the tournament favourites in Berlin on Friday. That's one quarter-final I'd pay to see. Luckily it'll be on free TV, so I don't have to.

Argentina v Mexico

If the World Cup was decided by which team sings their national anthem the best, then Mexico would win hands down. Or rather, hands up and across their chest.

The sinister Mexican coach, Ricardo La Volpe, is Argentinian. He was a member of their 1978 World Cup-winning squad. Surely he'll have a plan to beat his fellow countrymen? That plan appears to be a strange one, as he has no place for his most effective attacking players - Bravo, Franco and Zinha. Bolton's Jared Borgetti returns as lone striker after injury.

Argentina make one enforced change. Burdisso is injured, so Lionel Scaloni (who played for West Ham in the FA Cup Final) slots in at right-back.

First Half

Mexico start fast and catch Argentina cold. The men in green drive at the Argies at an intense pace, forcing early set-plays. Borgetti heads the first one over, but the second is delivered perfectly by Pardo, flicked on by Mendez and slid into the roof of the net by Rafael Marquez at the back post. Mexico take a shock lead with barely six minutes played.

Their advantage lasts four minutes. Riquelme's corner, Crespo sticks out a toe, but Borgetti gets his head to it. Sadly he can only power it through his own net with Sanchez powerless to stop it. Crespo will claim it, as all strikers do, but it was a clear own goal. 1-1 and this match is already pulsating.

Mexico lost to Portugal and couldn't beat Angola, but they're more than a match for Argentina. Chasing, harrying, intercepting, they rush the Argentinians into mistakes and deny Riquelme any success with his usually defence-splitting through balls. Then they break, lightning fast, while their fans make a deafening noise. And Borgetti shoots, but Abbonadzieri tips it wide.

Still, Argentina have their chances. Crespo should have scored when put through by Cambiasso. But for the most part, they're struggling. Maxi Rodriguez keeps throwing himself to the ground, and looks miffed when the referee looks away. Up in the stands, Diego Maradona is glum. Maybe he'll have a relapse? It would be worth Mexico winning this, just to see his face.

On the stroke of half-time, Abbonadzieri rolls a routine ball out to Gabriel Heinze on the edge of the area. But he takes his eye off it, it skids away from him and on to the prowling Fonseca, who lifts it over the Man U man's attempted recovery lunge. Fonseca would have been away and clear, but Heinze makes contact. Cast iron red card. Unbelievably, the Swiss referee saves Argentina by showing only yellow, saying Ayala was the last man. As Ayala was 15 yards away, Heinze is one lucky boy. And that decision could ultimately knock Mexico out of this tournament.

My wife feels sorry for Leonardo. "He can't speak English very well, yet they put him inbetween Alan Hansen and Martin O'Neill, who half the time even the English can't understand..." It's a valid point.

Second Half

As in Germany v Sweden, the second-half is played at a vastly slower pace. This is thanks to Argentina, who finally get a grip on possession. Still, Mexico have another great chance as Borgetti pulls down Castro's cross, only for Sorin to welly it against the striker's face. The ball rebounds towards goal, and Abbonadzieri has to make a less-than-comfortable save.

At the other end, Riquelme's magnificent ball puts Saviola in, but Sanchez makes a brilliant stop from his cross-shot. Crespo is furious, he wanted it played square. And La Volpe broods on the touchline in his jeans and a comedy tie. He looks ridiculous, but who's brave enough to tell him?

The ref's having a Graham Poll-like 'mare. Torrado commits a foul, but the official books Castro by mistake. How he fails to identify Torrado, whose distinctive hairstyle resembles a small tree, is beyond me.

Twenty minutes to go. The tension mounts and the substitutions begin. Argentina have the depth to bring on Messi, Tevez and Aimar. Mexico introduce Zinha. The Green Machine has a good 10 minute spell, but Argentina are getting more time and space. They look more likely to win it, until Zinha goes through three and Pineda crosses. Fonseca is five yards out but mistimes his jump and the header is wide.

Can't take my eyes off this game. It's kill or be killed. But it's the officials who really need killing. In injury time Riquelme slides a trademark pass through to Aimar, who rolls it sideways for Messi to tap home. But it's not the winner, because Aimar is supposedly offside. Replays show that to be a load of tosh. At least it evens out the fact that Heinze is still on the pitch.

Extra time. Plenty of stretches and taking on water, because cramp is setting in. Aye, it can be tough sat on a couch for 90 minutes.

Extra Time

No Golden Goals or Silver Goals, it's 30 minutes and then penalties. Argentina definitely have the fresher legs. Messi, 19 years today with number 19 on his shirt, is dynamite on the ball. Tevez is putting himself about. Aimar is having a good game too. Mexico are hanging on a bit now.

Then eight minutes in to overtime, Messi plays the ball left to Sorin, who fires it across to the right edge of the penalty area where Maxi Rodriguez lurks. He chests it down, swivels, and connects perfectly with a left-foot volley. It arcs inside the right-hand post with Sanchez beaten all ends up. An amazing goal. Argentina 2 Mexico 1. And considering the stakes, probably even better than Cambiasso's against Serbia.

The wife has done well to last 102 minutes. But she's finally asleep. In marriage, though, you can't bring on a sub.

The second half of extra time. Zinha keeps on running at the defence but his shot drifts wide. Mexico are having a go, but they're exhausted. And they can't find a telling cross. Argentina shut the game down. They kill off time with their passing game and Mexico are reduced to making fouls in trying to win it back. Which they can't.

The final whistle, and it is Germany v Argentina. Jose Pekerman's side have proved they not only ooze class, but can roll their sleeves up and gut out a win against extremely tough opposition.

Well done and commiserations to Mexico. They played their part in arguably the game of the tournament so far. But the Argies, whose skilfully entertaining play in this World Cup makes them as difficult to dislike as the Germans, march on.

Day 15 - Friday June 23 2006

2006-06-24T05:21:00.000-07:00

Boring

It had to happen. A session of games in this World Cup that is as uninspiring in reality as it was on paper.

Ukraine v Tunisia and the dead rubber of Spain v Saudi Arabia look dull beforehand. And sure enough, they really don't deserve to occupy 105 minutes of my life.

Spain play an entire reserve team against Saudi and still win 1-0 on BBC3 with a Juanito header from Reyes' cross. On BBC1, Tunisia need to beat Ukraine to qualify ahead of the East Europeans. But aside from their best players Trabelsi and Jaziri, they just don't commit enough men forward. When Jaziri is dismissed for a second bookable offence on the stroke of half-time, their only chance goes with him.

Andriy Shevchenko looks so out of touch that Roman Abramovich should really ask for a £30million refund. But Chelsea's record signing does manage to live up to his overinflated reputation long enough to gain a penalty on 70 minutes and cool-ly slot it down the middle to put Ukraine 1-0 ahead.

The sending off and the spot-kick are about the only noteworthy incidents in the match. Ukraine have no problems in keeping the 10 men at bay, because Tunisia simply don't have the desire or the wherewithall to really go for broke.

So Oleg Blokhin's decidedly ordinary side has qualified for the second round, this despite being utterly outclassed by Spain in their opening game.

France v Togo

France need to win by two clear goals to stay in World Cup 2006, or win by one if either Switzerland or South Korea beats the other. With Zidane suspended on his birthday, in comes Trezeguet to play up front with Thierry Henry.

The papers claimed earlier this week that Henry never scores from a Zidane pass. In other words, the two egos can't co-exist in the same team, and Henry will shine more without Zizou. We will see tonight.

Togo have had their troubles too, but apparently FIFA are now paying their bonuses now so they're happy with their financial lot, even though they're already out of the tournament. Grrr, that means Uncle Pfister's money-grabbing minnows are unlikely to start fouling Frenchmen in frustration. I still have an outside chance of winning the Dirtiest Team sweepstake, currently led by Serbia and Montenegro and Tunisia.

"They're playing on the world's biggest stage," says Jonathan Pearce. No, they're playing on a normal-sized football pitch, you clown.

First Half

Togo are competitive, but France are adopting a policy of 'create one good chance every minute and we're bound to score'. But goalie Agassa is in inspired mood. He tips over Trezeguet's header and smothers Malouda's shot.

After 13 minutes, Les Bleus have the ball in the net. Great move from Henry to Ribery and Trezeguet taps into an empty goal, but he's judged offside. That's debatable. The Juventus hitman looks agonised at the decision. Even at this early stage, he knows it could be one of those nights for the French.

Over in Hanover, Switzerland lead South Korea 1-0. A Hakan Yakin free kick, Phillipe Senderos nuts the ball into the net, then follows through to head butt a Korean defender, just for luck. Senderos charges off in celebration, ignoring the blood pouring from his nose. What a trooper. Meanwhile the afflicted Choi Jin Cheul is forced to wear a protective tea cosy on his head for the rest of the night.

Back to BBC1's featured game, and Henry sends Ribery clean through but he hammers it high and handsome. Composure was needed, but the popular French midfielder seemed to shut his eyes and hoped for the best.

But 'the best' isn't happening for France. Agassa and the referee's assistant - whose offside flag again dodgily denies Henry a clear run on goal - are seeing to that.

Togo do create their own 'occasions', as Marcel Desailly would say, but thankfully for France their shooting is atrocious. Half-time, 0-0.

In the BBC studio, Gary Lineker is trying his best to wind Desailly up. He's clearly enjoying taunting the ex-France skipper over their current plight. Marcel ought to thump him one, but remains cool. And confident too. He still thinks that France, over the next 45 minutes, will save Raymond Domenech's job.

Second Half

France are living on their nerves here. Adebayor is put in for Togo, Barthez just beats him to it, but that itchy trigger offside flag rescues the French this time. Mohamed Kader shoots wide. And Ribery sends another one into orbit when it would be a lot less hassle just to hit the target. "It's easy to miss chances, I've missed hundreds," says Mark Bright, helpfully.

France just need one goal, but things are looking bleak. Then cometh the hour (well, 55 minutes to be precise), cometh Patrick Vieira. Ribery proves his dribbling and passing are far superior to his shooting, and there's the ex-Arsenal skipper in space, in the box, to turn and place the ball comfortably into the corner. Agassa is beaten at last. France lead.

And within six minutes, Willy Sagnol chips the ball into the Togo area, Vieira leaps to head down, takes a bang on his head, but cares not as Henry feeds off the scraps and sidefoots it home. 2-0. Never in doubt!

France settle for what they've got. As they pass it around aimlessly, some of their fans whistle in derision, the others do a Gallic Wave and join the Togo supporters in a conga. Football-wise, the first round of the World Cup is drifting uneventfully to its climax after 15 days of high drama, quality play and highlight reel goals. But there's a party atmosphere in Cologne nonetheless.

Makelele shoots hopelessly wide. Henry looks unhappy. France are giving it away for fun. They've got the result they need, but the 1998 World Champions have been even more nervous and unconvincing than England. Plus they have a major selection headache for the Second Round. Should Zidane return?

France have won, so have Switzerland. Frei made it 2-0, and those marvellous Korean fans are going home. Either Switzerland or Ukraine will be in the quarter-finals of the World Cup. It doesn't seem right.

As for the French, they now have a date with Spain. It's Thierry Henry v Luis Aragones. France are struggling, Spain are bang in form. By all rights, the Spaniards should walk it. But history tells us Spain have a way of snatching underachievement from the jaws of glory. It will be a tense affair, that's for sure.

Day 14 - Thursday June 22 2006

2006-06-22T07:11:00.000-07:00

Am I a closet German?

Am close to never reading the 'red tops' again unless they stop tearing into Sven and the boys. The Sun and The Mirror are doing a hatchet job on England's displays so far and their ceaseless pessimism is getting me down.

Decide to peruse a decent paper for once, the Telegraph, and find myself agreeing with Lothar Matthaus' take on events. The former German captain says: "In England, people get too caught up with how the team is playing rather than results....from the outside it looks strange when a team wins two games, draws their third, tops the group and gets criticised..." He's right. What does it really matter if we don't play phenomenal football for every second of every game, as long as we get the right result?

But don't worry Lothar. If you think that's bizarre, remember that in the fickle world of the English press, we're only ever a 3-0 win over Ecuador and a penalty shoot-out triumph against Portugal/Holland away from the headline: "WE'RE GOING TO WIN IT!"

Italy v Czech Republic

This is what it's all about. The one group in the World Cup where, realistically, all four teams can still qualify.

USA have to beat Ghana and hope Italy beat the Czech Republic. The Czechs can knock Italy out if they win by two goals and Ghana draw with the US. And Ghana can top the group if they beat the States and the other game is a draw. This is my preferred outcome, as it will surely mean Brazil-Italy in the second round, knocking out one of the big guns and eliminating one potentially tough opponent for England. It will also lead to the possibility of Ghana v Australia and at least one likeable underdog in the last eight to support. Back-up in case it goes wrong for Sven and co.

Team news. Milan Baros is back up front for the Czechs. He's not fully fit, but it's not exactly a gamble. With Koller injured and Lokvenc suspended, Bruckner didn't really have a choice. Italy are playing for a draw with five across the midfield, including Gattuso and Camaronesi, and Gilardino up front on his own. Toni has been left out.

First Half

The Czechs start well. Baros isn't quite with the pace of the game, but possesses enough of his usual trickery and ball-hogging to keep the Italians wary. Starting to have a feeling that Italy may blow this and get knocked out in the First Round like they did in Euro 2004.

15 minutes gone, Nedved shoots from the edge of the box, Buffon saves and blocks Baros' follow-up from an acute angle. The CR are bright, positive, tight in midfield. In short, unrecognisable from their Ghanaian capitulation.

Nesta is down hurt. Motty, King of Cliches, exclaims: "This is an injury the Italians would not want." Really? So what kind of injury would they want, then?

Over on BBC web text, Essien picks up a booking for Ghana against the USA and will miss the Second Round game if they progress. As the Chelsea man makes the Africans tick, bet everything on their opponents if they manage to squeeze through.

John Motson has two annoying habits. One - the Motty Chuckle. I can identify the exact moment when the patented Motty Chuckle debuted. It was during the Mexico v Bulgaria Second Round game in World Cup 1994, when both sides were inexplicably reduced to 10 men and understandably Motson felt the ref's utter incompetence was worthy of a chuckle or two. But Motty never found a cure for The Chuckle, and has continued to use it at the most inopportune times ever since.

Two - his obsession with putting extra vowels into foreign footballers' names. Who on earth is 'Ni-edvi-ed'?

25 minutes gone, Italy have a corner. Totti curls it in, and an Italian player leaps like the Italian word for salmon. A magnificent header, Cech can't reach it, and Italy lead. "Materazzi!" yells Motson. Must be a case of mistaken identity. An Everton flop surely can't have scored such a quality goal.

Dramani has scored for Ghana in Nuremberg. Italy and Ghana are going through if scores remain the same.

The Czechs' Jan Polak is booked. Surely for having the worst hairstyle in this or any other tournament. Minutes later, the ref gets sick of looking at this haystack-shaped monstrosity and brings out the red card. Half-time, 1-0 to Italy, the Czechs down to 10 men, and Polak's off to the barber's.

BBC1 quickly shoots over to the other game, where Dempsey has equalised for the USA from a clearly offisde position. But Stephen Appiah, a picture of concentration, is standing over a penalty. He scores to make it 2-1 to Ghana at half-time.

Second Half

Not looking good for the Czechs. Cannavaro volleys just over and Italy are so comfortable they bring on the overrated Pippo Inzaghi. Baros flings himself headlong to connect with a header, but it flies well over. Poor Milan looks exhausted and takes ages to get up. His only World Cup game to date, and possibly his only one ever, looks set to end in disappointment. Soon after, he's substituted for Jarolim.

The mercurial Totti is having his best game of the tournament, Camoranesi heads wide, and it's all the Azzurri. Czech Republic don't need to gift them a goal but they nearly do, one defender kicking the ball off another one's rear end. The ball rebounds to Inzaghi, with just Cech to beat, but he flicks it wide. Told you he was useless.

The CR won't give up. Buffon saves two Nedved blockbusters. Surely one of these is bound to fly in for the shaggy-haired schemer sooner or later? It's tense stuff now, 20 minutes remain, and a one-goal swing in both games would still see the Czechs survive. McBride's hit the post for the USA v Ghana. Anything can still happen.

Italy are happy to sit back, entice the 10 men in, then break - 'cos their desperate opponents are never going to score the two goals needed to send them out. And Totti tries to chip Cech even though he's only a fraction off his line. "That's woeful," says Mark Bright, who should know.

Speaking of woeful, with eight minutes Pirlo dances through, the ball loops up across the six yard box, and Inzaghi can't even hit the target with a header from four yards out with no defender in sight. "They're just doing enough, it's not a convincing performance at all!" parps up Brighty, voice cracking as if he's about to bawl his eyes out. I know how he feels. Inzaghi's display has had me in tears. Of laughter.

Spoke too soon. CR have poured everyone forward and Inzaghi's sent clear, onside as his run is from just inside the Italian half. He hesitates as he approaches Cech, but just about holds himself together to round the keeper and tap into an empty net. Czech-mate.

It finishes 2-0 to Italy, and yet another East European team are out of World Cup 2006. That majestic 3-0 win over the USA seems a lifetime ago. Lothar was so right when he said results are more important than performances.

It's still 2-1 to Ghana. Brazil loom large for the Africans in what's bound to be a cracking game. What a shame Essien won't be there.

BBC then shows us the last two minutes of Ghana v USA. The Yanks need to score twice to qualify. They don't. And an African team has reached the second phase after all.

Brazil v Japan

Would have preferred to watch the more meaningful Croatia v Australia. But BBC1 goes for Brazil, because they are "the biggest draw in football". And the missus is watching The Bill, so I have the kitchen portable telly and no access to BBC3. See, I do compromise sometimes.

Brazil rest Adriano, Ze Roberto, Cafu and Roberto Carlos. The replacements include Robinho, Juninho and Cicinho. They've hardly been weakened. As for Ronaldo, he's still in the team, looking porkier than ever.

First Half

Brazil are on fire early doors. Ronaldo actually does a step over and fires a trademark shot with no backlift, Kawaguchi dives to save. The Japanese keeper also palms a way a Ronaldinho try, and then after a mazy Robinho dribble, tips his scorcher over the bar. Kawaguchi is having a blinder. And he needs to.

News comes through that Srna has curled home a wonderful free kick and Croatia lead Australia inside three minutes. I want the Socceroos to win, and especially hope Harry Kewell redeems himself.

The geniuses from South America are finally putting on a show. Aerial one-twos, close control, 20-move passes, eye-of-a-needle through balls...they're all on display. But it remains 0-0. Japan are working hard to close down, and breaking menacingly in twos and threes, with no end product.

Kawaguchi pulls off another smart save from Ronaldo, who uses his bulk to create space for the shot. Ronaldinho is all flicks and tricks, and its a bit like watching the Harlem Globetrotters play exhibition stuff, as Ronaldo lays it back for a rasping drive from Juninho Pernambucano. Kawaguchi makes his best save of the lot. It could have been 5-0 already.

But it's not, and Japan are still in this. Full-backs Alex and Kaji are overlapping constantly, and a crescendo of shrieks from the female Japanese fans echoes around the stadium whenever they get into the Brazil half.

Then on 34 minutes, Inamoto manages to get it wide to Alex with an applause-worthy crossfield pass. The Brazil-born left back gets inside Cicinho, and feeds Tamada who darts across the penalty area to receive it, and shoots first-time with his left foot. Dida sinks to his knees, powerless to stop it whistling into the top right-hand corner. Japan, improbably, are in front. And Zico celebrates.

Brazil look unworried and continue in their quest to score the perfect goal. They're leaving two at the back and pouring forward, but can't find that final touch. But just as it appears the industrious Asians will go in at half-time with a 1-0 lead, Ronaldinho chips it up to the far side of the area, Cicinho comes in from nowhere to head across goal, and Ronaldo only has to jump a few inches off the ground to head past Kawaguchi.

1-1 on the stroke of the interval. The Brazil players mob Ronaldo, who has taken some stick. But he can still finish, and he's now just one behind Gerd Muller in the all-time World Cup scoring chart.

Second Half

Croatia 1 Australia 1 is the half-time score in the other game. Craig Moore, who I didn't realise plays for Newcastle, equalised from the spot.

It's raining in Dortmund, but it's like being on the sun-kissed beaches of Rio De Janeiro as Brazil come out for the second-half and play some typical samba soccer. Japan's heads have gone down a bit after conceding, and their legs aren't carrying them forward on the break any more. And it's all coming back to Ronaldo, whose one-two with Ronaldinho leads to a sidefoot effort. It looks in, but drifts wide.

On 52 minutes poor Kawaguchi, who has been a one-man Japanese repelling crew, makes a howler. Juninho shoots from miles out, it's a good hit, but should never have gone straight through the keeper's gloves. But it did, and Brazil lead 2-1. Within minutes, Ronaldinho sends Gilberto away on the left, he has men in the box, but elects to shoot accurately across goal into the far corner. 3-1, and normal service has been resumed.

Croatia lead Australia 2-1, the Aussie reserve keeper making a hash of a Nico Kovac shot. Croatia are on the verge of making the second round. And Brazil are heading for a date with Ghana.

Breathtaking stuff now from the rampant South Americans. Kawaguchi restores some confidence by this time saving from Juninho. Robinho accelerates past two defenders and slides it across to Ronaldo, who has an open goal to equal Muller's record. But tapping the ball into the empty net involves running a few yards, so he opts not to bother.

The wonderful Japanese fans, second only to their Korean neighbours for indestructible happiness, are singing 'The Entertainer'. How appropriate, for their opponents. Brazil are finally a joy to watch in this World Cup. And here comes Juan forward from the back, he exchanges passes with Ronaldo, who gets it back, turns and whips in a precision right-foot shot right into the corner. 4-1, and that's the record equalled. The fat get can still shoot, that's for sure.

Harry Kewell has equalised for Australia. Good on yer sport! His Brazil miss haunted him, not for years, but for precisely five days. And it's not been a bad World Cup for Liverpool players so far. Well, apart from Cisse.

Nakamura has a chance to get a consolation in the last minutes, but it finishes Brazil 4 Australia 1. I still can't see Brazil winning this tournament though. They remind me too much of the 1982 team. They want to play fantasy football and aren't bothered about defending. Luckily their defenders can play, but they do give sides a few chances. The 1994 and 2002 sides had more steel at the back. But I could be wrong. I usually am.

Highlights from the other game show that Australia are through to meet Italy after a 2-2 draw with the Croats. Three men were sent off and Graham Poll had a nightmare, forgetting to dismiss Simunic after booking him twice. Could have wrecked his chances to referee the final...assuming England don't get there.

Day 13 - Wednesday June 21 2006

2006-06-21T05:25:00.000-07:00

It could be worse

According to reports, French fans have put their team up for sale on E-Bay. And coach Domenech is being offered as an extra. For free.

The cold light of day

The papers have given England, and Sven, a roasting. How different their attitude would have been if Sweden hadn't scuffed in that last minute goal. On such narrow margins are tabloid headlines written. As for my take on last night, and the talking points of today, it's still more logical optimism than sensationalised scathing...

I do think Owen's injury will turn out to be a blessing. Personally, I'm quite happy with Rooney and Crouch up front as a duo, as they've combined really well so far. The alternative, of Wayne up front on his own with five across the midfield - including Hargreaves as the holding player - also works for me.

I wouldn't drop Beckham. He's not our most consistent performer over 90 minutes, but he has the weapons to create goals. And after all, goals win games. He's set up three of our five so far. Aaron Lennon's skills are still best served from the bench.

Sven's igorance of Michael Carrick continues to baffle most people I speak to. But Hargreaves did enough against Sweden to justify Eriksson's faith in him.

Some work colleagues rile me with their unjust attitudes towards Peter Crouch. "Not good enough at this level" and "no touch", they claim. Yet England have never lost with Crouchie in the side and he's scored six goals in 10 internationals. Plus he played well against Paraguay, and against Sweden, and scored against Trinidad. The fact is, if Crouch was 5 ft 11 and didn't have legs the length of a World Cup substitute's bench, no-one would criticise him because the lad actually has fantastic touch. His height and awkwardness makes him an easy target. People can't see past it.

And anyone who reckons Crouch's place in the team causes England to "play too many long balls" should perhaps understand that although yes, ideally we should mix up our passes, three of our five World Cup goals so far have come from high crosses into the box. Gerrard's against Sweden was created by nothing more than a hopeful punt from inside our own half. Sometimes, long balls lead to goals. And remember - goals win games!

OK, so with Owen now out of the tournament, Sven may have made a mistake bringing Theo Walcott instead of Jermain Defoe. However, I don't think that he's decided to cut his losses and not play the rookie at all. The slippery Swede always maintained Theo's surprise explosiveness was best suited for extra time of a knockout stage game when we traditionally look dead on our feet. Instead of holding on for dear life and stumbling towards penalties, the lad's dynamic fresh legs could terrorise a tiring defence in the last 30 minutes of a quarter-final. Wouldn't be shocked to see the kid make his mark on this tournament yet.

Better news on the injury front. Ferdinand is OK after a groin concern. Neville's calf is improving and he'll resume training on Thursday, but we'll need to beat Ecuador first before we see him again in action.

Portugal v Mexico

Didn't see much of this one. Portugal, having already qualified, leave out five of their main men including Ronaldo. Mexico have to go for it, although even a scoring defeat would leave Angola needing to beat Iran by three clear goals to pip them.

Mexico have a great chance early on, but then comes yet another early World Cup goal as Simao teases his way down the left and pulls it back for Maniche to hammer home first-time. Maniche may be ugly, but this is a beautiful goal for Portugal.

The men in maroon go two-up when the erstwhile immaculate Marquez decides to audition for the Mexican basketball team. His gift of a leaping handball is gratefully accepted by Simao, who makes it 2-0 from the spot.

Fonseca soon pulls one back with a glancing header from a corner. At half-time it's 2-1 to Portugal. Angola and Iran are apparently taking it in turns to miss sitters in the other game, where it's 0-0. Mexico remain safe, for now.

The second-half is a tale of two penalties. Mexico get one, but Bravo misses. Then Perez is down in the box trying to earn another, but the referee sends him off for diving. Replays show Perez falls a split-second before Miguel even makes a tackle. Great decision.

It finishes 2-1. Angola (Flavio) and Iran (Baktiarizadeh) have each scored one, so both Portugal and Mexico qualify for the second phase. Angola have done their nation proud by gaining two draws, considering their disasterous start against the Portugese.

Argentina v Holland

Have a sneaking suspicion this is a dress rehearsal for the final. Both teams are through, so Argentina leave out Saviola, Sorin, Crespo and a few others. Riquelme does play, as do supersubs from the Serbia rout, Messi and Tevez. Marco Van Biceps rests Robben, and skipper Cocu wins his 100th cap. Liverpool target Dick Kuyt (whose name Steve Rider can't pronounce) also gets a start.

First Half

In the first five minutes, the Netherlands show how to beat Argentina. Don't let them have the ball. But when the tournament favourites finally get a chance after eight minutes, they almost score. A clever pass sends Cambiasso clean through but Ooijer slides in with a saving tackle.

Both defences are on top here. Ooijer and Boulahrouz look comfortable on the ball for Holland. Equally cool and commanding are Argentina's reserve centre backs Milito and Collocini. Even though they look like rejects from Bon Jovi.

It's like a game between chess Grand Masters, says Guy Mowbray, and if so, then Juan Roman Riquelme is the king. He's strutting around as if he owns the pitch, spraying passes for fun, with such immaculate control of the ball. JRR is the player of this World Cup so far.

The willing Kuyt, who's moving around and difficult to mark, robs Burdisso in the box but elects to shoot from a narrow angle when a lay-off to Van Nistelrooy may have borne dividends. Impressive Argie keeper Abbonadzieri tips it round the near post.

Riquelme then skids in a free kick, and Boulahrouz denies Tevez at the near post but deflects it onto the crossbar. Tevez - looks of a caveman, physique of a mini tank - then sets up Maxi Rodriguez for a terrific strike. Van Der Sar is beaten but it flies wide.

Oo-er, Ooijer's been booked. Been longing to do that joke since the tournament started.

Second Half

Messi puts Riquelme in on the right but he shoots wide. Holland bring on their own teenage prodigy, left-sided Ryan Babel. Tevez still looks like Stig of the Dump, as he whips in a shot Van Der Sar does well to push away. But apart from that, not much is going on. These sides ooze such quality, they're cancelling each other out.

Tevez has another chance to win it at the death, but squanders. The game finishes 0-0. Hardly a classic, but absorbing for the technique and tactics on show. Argentina move on to play Mexico, Holland will meet Portugal to decide to plays England or Ecuador. Ivory Coast came from two behind to beat Serbia and Montenegro 3-2 in the other game. Well done to the Elephants, they deserve a win.

There is a school of thought to say we'd prefer the Dutch in the last eight, as Robben, Van Persie and Ruud are well-known to our defenders. But personally, I'd rather spank the Portugese, gain revenge for the last two Euros, and leave that show pony goalie Ricardo in floods of tears.

Of course, let's focus on Ecuador first...

Day 12 - Tuesday June 20 2006

2006-06-20T04:46:00.000-07:00

Ghana have the right idea

Their government has given its populace half a day off work on Thursday to watch the USA game. No chance of Blair doing the same over here, as all our remaining matches are in the evening or at weekends.

Harry Kewell gets a let off

FIFA fail to punish the Aussie star after his rant at referee Markus Merk following the Brazil match. They haven't banned him from facing Croatia, because there's no point. He'll probably tweak his groin and come off within two minutes anyway.

Germany v Ecuador

Five changes for Ecuador, who rest two-goal heroes Carlos Tenorio and Agustin Delgado and bring in 'Spiderman' Kaviedes. Just one change for the hosts - Robert Huth comes in at the back. And despite all the tubthumping in today's press, I do hope Germany win so we can avoid them.

First Half

And within five minutes, Germany are ahead. Schweinsteiger crosses from the right, and Miroslav Klose ties Torres at the top of the goalscoring leader board, rifling a superbly-struck first time effort across goal for his third of the tournament. Cue trademark rubbish somersault.

Germany are on top. Ecuador look nothing special, like they were supposed to be at the start of the tournament. Klose and Podolski look a dual threat running beyond the South American defence, and with 20 minutes gone Ecuador haven't created a chance worthy of the name.

At work, we're discussing the merits of the Dad's pants Ribena TV advert. Yeah, the game's not very good.

43 minutes gone, Ballack prods it forward, Klose times his run again, knees it past Mora and taps into an empty net. 2-0, and my colleagues look disgusted as I cheer a German goal. Klose is now out on his own as top scorer of the first round, as he was four years ago.

Half Time

Although a bigger waste of time than a third-place playoff, Poland v Costa Rica stands at 1-1. The Poles finally have a World Cup goal, as Bosacki equalises a Gomez free kick. Costa Rica now officially has the worst defence in the tournament. Yes, they've conceded more than even Serbia and Montenegro. Good game by all accounts, but with six yellow cards already. Amazing how heated football can get when there's nothing to play for.

Second Half

Ecuador continue to run up blind alleys. Their coach, Bob from Emmerdale, has a blank expression. Nice tie though.

Shocking mistake by the Ecuador right-back sends Lahm clear on the left, he sets up Podolski and he should have scored. The shot goes wide, and South American thoughts are clearly on the Last 16. They've turned up for this game in body, but not in mind.

Schneider's away down the right now, a quality cross and Podolski slides in to end his goal drought. 3-0, and the Poles are doing well at this World Cup after all. Pity they both play for Germany. Klose and Podolski are of Polish descent.

Whoever said this is the worst German team ever should take a look at Klose, Ballack, Lahm and Schweinsteiger. On current form, this quartet would challenge for a place in any team in the world.

Klose's coming off. Klinsmann would rather rest him for the Second Round than let him stay on and get his hat-trick. Meanie.

England really need a result tonight against Sweden because Germany could do us a real favour here and give Ecuador the kind of drubbing they may not recover from. And Mendez curls a wicked free kick onto the roof of the net. Is that their first shot on goal?

According to the trusty BBC website, Bosacki has grabbed his and Poland's second against Costa Rica in the other Group A game. Seem to remember it was the same for the Poles four years ago - they only played well in their third match, after they'd already been eliminated. Nine bookings now too, 5-4 to the Central Americans.

Watching web text highlights of the Poland-Costa Rica game is more exciting than Germany-Ecuador on TV. Wanchope's apparently had a goal disallowed.

The pocket-sized Lahm and Ballack combine again. Starting to get seriously worried about the German threat. On a tangent, if Lars Lagerback's nickname is 'Knock', does that make little Lahm's nickname 'Maryhada'?

The final whistle. Germany win 3-0. And it's finished 2-1 to Poland in Hanover.

England v Sweden

Frank Lampard must have a serious inferiority complex. Sven is willing to risk him picking up another yellow card, but not Gerrard or Crouch. The Chelsea man starts in midfield alongside Owen Hargreaves. Carragher deputises for Gary Neville, whose participation in the rest of the tournament is in some doubt.

Ibrahimovic is also injured and out for Sweden, Allback comes in.

Oh, and some bloke called Rooney's playing up front with Michael Owen....

I'm watching this in the pub. It's bucketing down with rain so much it's bouncing off the road. And it's a Tuesday night. But the place is packed. I've felt rather unwell this afternoon. Nerves get to me, even in a game where defeat wouldn't be the end of the world. Manage three bottled lagers only.

First Half

Michael Owen needs minutes on the pitch to get fit, they said. In reality, he only needs one minute on the pitch to get unfit. The injury-plagued Newcastle man lays the ball off, his knee buckles underneath him with no Swedish player in sight, and it immediately looks a bad one. Owen is stretchered off and Crouch comes on. If Rooney gets injured and Crouch gets booked, then Sven might have to play himself up front in the second round.

It's a pity Owen got hurt, because England have begun well. While down to 10 men, Rooney set up Lampard for a shot on his weaker side, just wide. We're passing it much better. Joe Cole looks alert and tricky on the left, and he gets in a shot from the edge of the box. It whistles just over the bar.

Sweden are forcing plenty of worrying set-pieces around the England box, but we're coping with them pretty well. And Owen Hargreaves, sitting in front of the back four, is actually having a good game. We're mixing up the long and short passes a lot more, Crouchie looks comfortable on the deck as always, even taking men on and beating them. Joe and Ashley, the Cole Brothers, are combining down the left. And Rooney is showing flashes. Just flashes, mind.

The best comes when Beckham hits a superb diagonal ball, Wayne charges onto it, controls it in mid-air, flicks it to the right of the bamboozled Edman in one motion, draws the keeper and would have slotted it into the corner for a marvellous goal, but for Lucic's saving block. We're going to score soon, here. I can feel it in my water.

On 35 minutes, the ball flashes across the Swedish box, Crouch heads it back but the Swedes clear their lines. It falls to Joe Cole, 35 yards out. It bounces in front of him, he controls it on the chest, and volleys. The ball loops high in the air, dips at the last second, and flies in off the upright as Isaksson can't quite reach it. A quite stunning goal. Possibly behind only Argentina's 24-pass masterpiece as the goal of the tournament so far.

Sammy Lee's teeth are scary.

1-0 to England, and we're really looking sharp. Confidence flows through the side as both Rooney and Lampard have cracks from distance, Frank's missing the crossbar by millimetres.

It's 1-0 at half-time, the evening kick-off has clearly suited us, and the mood in the pub is upbeat.

Half-Time

Mild amusement at ITV incompetence turns to fury as their team of pundits, instead of highlighting England's excellent display and Joe Cole's quite breathtaking strike, decide to focus on Michael Owen's injury. It's all doom and gloom in the studio and the negativity makes me sick. Sam Allardyce is the biggest culprit. Bitter, Sam, 'cos you didn't get the England job?

Second Half

Paraguay are beating Trinidad and Tobago, thanks to a Brent Sancho own goal. So Sweden could probably lose here and still qualify. Maybe they'll settle for defeat to a vastly superior England and make life easy for us in the next 45 minutes. Nothing could be further from the truth.

For the first five minutes, England are knocking it around for fun. If anything, I feel we're overconfident, with a danger of pushing too many men forward and losing concentration. As if on cue, Sweden force another corner, Linderoth takes it near post, and the unmarked Allback glances a header back across goal into the net for a goal out of nothing. Replays will show Beckham didn't cover him, and basically England went to sleep. 1-1.

Suddenly, we look drained. The passing's still OK, but we're retreating deeper and allowing a revitalised Sweden to run at us, hit balls into the corners and force more set-plays. Which, all of a sudden, we're defending like the proverbial schoolboys.

It should be 2-1 to the Swedes. Another great ball in from a corner at pace, swinging in, the dynamic Ljungberg hurls himself at it, the ball brushes Carragher on the hand, continues on its path towards Robinson's face, and he instinctively flicks it up onto the crossbar and out. A penalty against Carra would have been harsh, but full marks to Robbo for saving us a quite ridiculous defecit, considering the balance of play.

Another Linderoth corner. England are in disarray. And Mellberg hooks a mishit shot which bounces off the top of the bar. Starting to feel sick again, for different reasons. Deep breaths now....

Now Rio Ferdinand is coming off, to be replaced by Sol Campbell. Not another injury? I'd expected Sven to give Theo Walcott a run out in the last 20 minutes if things were going well. Can't see that happening now.

Crouch has a half-chance on the turn, but can't get power into the shot. He heads over from a corner. But Rooney is now completely anonymous. Not sure if he's run out of steam, or if we're just not finding him any more. It's also becoming increasingly obvious that Beckham and Carragher have little or no understanding down the right.

With 20 minutes left, clinging on at 1-1, and a Second Round tie with Germany looming large if Sweden score again, Eriksson pulls his Wonderkid from the field. Gerrard comes on. Rooney throws a mini-strop as he sits down, it's hilarious as Gary Neville tries to calm him down but Wayne's clearly not listening.

So Sven is willing to protect his star player, who's just returned from serious injury but is the one England man capable of doing something special, and risk Gerrard getting a caution and missing the second round, to make sure we don't lose this. I turn to the bloke behind me and say that if this substitution backfires, Sven will be castigated. If it comes off, he's a genius. Where the England job is concerned, there's no middle ground.

Another corner, Kallstrom fires in a bouncing shot, it's going in our far corner, but Gerrard clears it off the line. Minutes later, a high ball into the Swedish box, it bounces for Joe Cole, he flips up a terrific cross to the back stick, and Stevie G powers home a header top corner.

2-1 to England. Sven's a genius.

There's five minutes left. The pub thinks it's all over. I'm not so sure. Sweden are still like yellow men possessed. I don't think they care about playing Germany, or topping the group. They just don't want to lose to England. It would, after all, be the first time since 1968.

They push us back. We still look ragged. And right on the stroke of the 90 minutes, we concede the scrappiest of goals. It's just a long throw from Wilhelmsson, it bounces off the turf at a confusing height, Sol Campbell - who otherwise has been solid - seems to mistime his jump and it clears his head, and is helped on its path to our back post by both Mellberg and Larsson. The former Celtic and Barcelona man seems to get the final touch, it's 2-2, and Sweden celebrate as if they've knocked us out.

Thankfully there's only three minutes left, and they haven't. We fumble our way to the final whistle. I let out my third huge sigh of relief in three England games, Sven does his traditional post-match interview about "suffering", and it's Ecuador in the Last 16...

Thoughts

Need to get it into my head now that we're not going to win this World Cup (unless all matches are shortened to 45 minutes). For all the talented individuals we have, there is a mental frailty about England. We are capable of playing as well as anyone in patches, but we cave in when things go wrong, especially in the second-half of games.

I don't particularly blame the manager for any tactical shortcomings at this World Cup so far, as I think his substitutions have generally worked and you can't argue with finishing top of the group, undefeated. I just think the Sweden game proved there is a psychological block that many of our players can't overcome, and this will become even more apparent as we reach the business end of the tournament. Perhaps Eriksson lacks a little in his motivating abilities. Maybe a more inspiring individual would instil our boys with greater self-belief.

And Michael Owen has twisted his knee, he's out of the World Cup and flying home tomorrow.

Day 11 - Monday June 19 2006

2006-06-19T05:52:00.000-07:00

Back at work today and receiving insulting World Cup jokes by e-mail, like this one...

It is just before the England v Brazil match. Ronaldinho goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his team-mates looking a bit glum. "What's up?" he asks. "Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only England. They're rubbish and we can't be bothered." Ronaldinho looks at them and says, "Well, I reckon I can beat them by myself. You lads go down the pub." So Ronaldinho goes out to play England by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars.

After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads " Brazil 1 - England 0 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes)". He is beating England all by himself!

Anyway, a few pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers, "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on." They put the teletext on. "Result - Brazil 1 (Ronaldinho 10 minutes) - England 1 (Lampard 89 minutes)." They can't believe it; he has single-handedly got a draw against England!!

They rush back to the stadium to congratulate Ronaldinho. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sitting with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down."

"Don't be daft, you got a draw against England, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"

"No, no, " says Ronaldinho. "I have, I've let you down. I got sent off after 12 minutes."

England Build-Up

Talk is that Sven may rest his yellow carded trio, Gerrard, Lampard and Crouch, for the Sweden game so they don't pick up another caution and get banned. Jermaine Jenas and the much-maligned Owen Hargreaves, who obviously has damning pics of Eriksson with an Alsatian, stand by. Rooney will start alongside Owen.

Ex-pros are paid lots of money to give ridiculous opinions on football. Take Lou Macari, who suggests England should throw the Sweden game if necessary, so to avoid Germany and play Ecuador. Even assuming England consider such a demeaning, unprofessional, psychologically crushing act, it's hard to lose on purpose when your opponents probably have exactly the same idea.

Receiving a stupid amount of tabloid coverage are England players' Wives and Girlfriends, known as WAGS. They should be re-named WGAS. As in, Who Gives A S***.

Togo v Switzerland

Thanks to the power of the work's portable TV, manage to catch bits of this as my office sweepstake team return to action.

Can't believe the Togo players nearly refused to play this game because they are still moaning about money. I know they're starving in Africa, but don't blame the Togolese FA. If there's a food shortage, it's probably Ronaldo's fault.

Togo are the better side but karma is against them. They obviously don't really want to play in this World Cup, so the fates conspire to make sure that after the First Round, they won't. The militant Africans miss a host of easy chances and Adebayor is denied the clearest of penalties.

Switzerland lead after 16 minutes through a tap-in not even Alex Frei could miss. My only hope is for Togo to get so frustrated that they have 11 men sent off, then the Dirtiest Team in the First Round award is as good as mine. Sadly, their on-pitch behaviour is far superior to the disgraceful attitude they've shown away from the fieldd during this World Cup.

Togo attack for virtually the whole of the second-half but Switzerland wrap up the game with a clinical strike from Barnetta. The men in green at least do me proud by picking up three yellow cards, but Angola, Ghana and Trinidad remain out in front in the foul play stakes.

Switzerland win 2-0 and if they draw with South Korea, only a France victory by two goals or more will keep them in the competition. Sacre bleu!

Ukraine v Saudi Arabia

Didn't see much of this, was walking home, but got the gist from the highlights.

Ukraine are much better, then again, their opposition is much worse. The Saudis never recover from keeper Zaid's attempt to sit on the ball after three minutes as it rebounds off Rusol's knee, but it squeezes under his backside and over the line. Then as the Arabian coach plays Scrabble, Sergei Rebrov hits a high curling shot into the top corner for the second. After the break, Shevchenko adds a bullet header then sets up man of the match Kalinichenko for the fourth.

Spain v Tunisia

At last this World Cup has some rain, for Spain. And if Tunisia don't get anything from this game, they'll be mainly on the plane. The plane home, that is.

Coach Roger Lemerre says his side played abominably against Saudi Arabia and expects much better from them today. Spain, whose thrashing of the Ukraine looks even more impressive given today's result, are unchanged.

First Half

And they start in the same vein as they left off last week. Luis Garcia's header down is met by a searing Villa shot, which bulges the net, unfortunately at the side of the goal.

But then, something amazing happens. Tunisia score.

Puyol and Pablo fail to deal with Jaziri's run down the Spanish left, where aching chasms are starting to appear. Jaziri shields the ball, holds off three defenders, and brilliantly flips it with the outside of his boot into the path of the onrushing Minari. His sidefoot volley is blocked by Casillas, but he forces the rebound over the line. 1-0 to the North Africans. Rather unexpected, only eight minutes gone, and yet another World Cup game has an early goal.

Still, you expect Spain to restore parity rather quickly. But they don't. They pass patiently and look dangerous from set-plays, but miss several free headers in the African box. Meanwhile the Tunisians, exploiting the freedom of Spain's left flank, are causing all sorts of problems with the overlapping Trabelsi and intelligent runs of Jaziri prominent.

Xabi Alonso finally gets a Spain header on target, but Asari's noggin saves it on the goal-line. And 40-year-old Tunisia keeper Boumnijel bellows at his defence, like a true Grumpy Old Man.

At half-time, Tunisia lead. Spain have had no luck, but need to solve the puzzle. Their youngsters are being out-thought.

Sven Goran Eriksson gives a press conference and quite literally, doesn't know what day it is. And the A-team pundit panel of Hansen (white shirt), O'Neill (pink shirt) and Wright (brown shirt), are apparently dressed like Neopolitain ice cream. It's these brilliant bouts of self-deprecating humour that makes BBC World Cup coverage so superior to that other channel.

Second Half

Aragones introduces Cesc Fabregas and Raul. Suddenly Spain are pressing with greater urgency and belief. And the Arsenal teenager cracks in a long range shot but Boumnijel is equal to it.

On comes Joaquin onto the right-flank. Aragones is raging, and the Tunisian keeper is punching, rather than catching, even the simplest of Spanish shots. But his team are hanging on.

That is, until the 72nd minute. Fabregas, taking the game by the scruff of the neck, bangs in another shot. The unlucky Boumnijel dives to save again, but Raul slots home the follow-up. Spanish relief.

Within moments, Tunisia have collapsed. The exceptional Fabregas, who is stating a case for a starting place, sets up Torres who rounds the keeper to make it two. Soon after, Fabregas would have added a third but for Boumnijel's saving foot.

Torres is looking unplayable now. He rampages forward again, but Yahiya climbs all over him as he advances on goal. Last minute penalty, and the 22-year-old makes no mistake from the spot to become the current World Cup top scorer with three goals. But he doesn't quite get his hat-trick, Boumnijel narrowing the angle to save as he races onto Fabregas' perfectly-weighted pass.

It finishes Spain 3 Tunisia 1. And after yet another compelling match in this tournament, the BBC boys say this could be the greatest World Cup ever.

Day 10 - Sunday June 18 2006

2006-06-18T22:50:00.000-07:00

Fathers' Day

Get breakfast in bed and a mini beer fridge with a St George's Flag design on the door, to add to my ever-growing collection of patriotic tat.

My dad, who always writes off England's chances just to wind me up, says: "Tim Henman (knocked out in the Stella Artois semi-finals yesterday) has more chance of winning Wimbledon than England have of winning the World Cup."

Manage to see a tiny bit of Japan v Croatia round at the oldies' and it seems I'm picking the right games to miss. A 0-0 draw, with Japan much more resilient than they were against the Aussies and perhaps unlucky not to snatch it at the death. Great result for Australia.

Brazil v Australia

Guus Hiddink makes three changes. Tim Cahill in, Harry Kewell out. And Ronal-dough starts for Brazil. The stadium is a sea of gold and green. And ITV have invited the knowledgeless Shane Warne to be a pundit, a decision for which the word 'Strewth!' was invented.

First Half

Brazil were ordinary against Croatia, and for the first 20 minutes here, they're just as bad. Hiddink has his tactics right, as Australia set their stall out to defend as a team, tackling robustly, playing with Viduka up front on his own and with Chipperfield and Emerton getting forward in support to test the ageing Brazil full-backs. Can visualise someone like, say, Joe Cole or Stewart Downing getting plenty of joy out of rickety Cafu later on in this World Cup.

Ronaldo looks a little more alert today, a decent piece of ball juggling setting up Kaka for a first-time volley just wide. But his touch deserts him on more than one occasion in the danger area, he still looks a sha-dough of his former self. And Ronaldinho, amazingly, falls over the ball. The samba drums beat, then fall silent as Brazilian moves come to nothing.

Adriano is playing so deep, Ronaldo is booked for kicking the ball in the net after the referee halts play, and Brazil not only can't find a way through, but Australia are forcing them back. The Aussies are reduced to shooting from range, but this is far from one-sided. Then Ronaldinho to Kaka to Ronaldo, but The Flabby One completely misses his kick. Ron-lardo, more like.

Popovic has marshalled the defence well, but he has to come off, replaced by Bresciano. Kaka looks most likely to score for Brazil. Ronaldo certainly doesn't, as he shoots wide from Adriano's pass then overhits what could have been a killer through ball to the charging Roberto Carlos. But at least he's involved today, not the insipid onlooker he was against Croatia.

Australia end the half on top, their barmy fans cheering every tackle, interception, pass and Mark Schwarzer catch. Bresciano hits a dipping effort in the last minute of the half, and Dida wouldn't have got anywhere near it, but it sails half an inch above the crossbar.

Half Time Ad Break

"Hey Roberto Carlos, pass the Pringles."

"I can't Stevie. Ronaldo's eaten them all."

Second Half

Four minutes in, and growing Aussie confidence is dented. Ronaldo finally does something right, turns on it on the edge of the box, knocks it square to Adriano, and he shoots left footed through the defender's legs and beyond the reach of Schwarzer. 1-0 to Brazil, who scarcely deserve it.

Instead of caving in, Australia bring on Harry Kewell and absolutely go for it. Brazil are finding more space now, but the Socceroos are still throwing themselves in the way of every ball, then push extra men forward in search of an equaliser. Bresciano races clear, and Ze Roberto has to dive in to make a crucial last-ditch tackle.

Then a moment that "will haunt Harry Kewell for years to come", according to Jon Champion, who's probably right. The ball is fired across the Brazilian box, is headed skyward, Dida tries to claim it, drops it right at the feet of the Liverpool man, who fires it over the crossbar with the whole goal to aim at. He's just come on, but even so, that's a shocking miss.

But Kewell, to his credit, doesn't hang his head. He's at the centre of every Aussie attack, of which there are now plenty. Emerton shoots into the side netting. Kewell bears down on goal, Ze Roberto again flings himself in to deny the shot. Then Harry sees Dida off his line and hits an instinctive chipped half-volley, just over. It's all Australia. Ronaldinho. Ronaldo, Adriano and Kaka are anonymous. The Magic Four? A likely story.

The worried Carlos Alberto Parreira makes a double change. Gilberto Silva to tighten the midfield and Robinho for Ronaldo. Within three minutes, Robinho looks full of zest, more dangerous and more active than Ronaldo's looked in two games.

Brazil start to break up Australian attacks and create their own chances in what's becoming a gripping encounter. Robinho misses twice, Kaka heads onto the bar, but still Hiddink's gallant cobbers have their own moments. Bresciano's looping acrobatics has Dida at full stretch, then Viduka glances Bresciano's free kick agonisingly wide.

"AUSSIE!" (clap, clap, clap) "AUSSIE!" (clap, clap, clap) yells the crowd. Can't hear the samba drums at all now.

Then comes the moment when the whole of Australia thinks they have equalised. Aloisi heads on and Viduka chips the onrushing Dida. The ball is in the air for an eternity, it looks like its dropping in, but it lands on the top of the net. And Brazil look so overhyped.

But they manage to grab a second, winning on reputation alone for the second straight game. Substitute Fred starts and finishes a move, tapping in after the lively Robinho blasts a shot off the post. Kaka misses an easy chance to make it three, which rather than a flattering scoreline, would have been a scandalous one.

Brazil have qualified for the second round, but impressed no-one. Surely Ronaldo now has to make way for Robinho. And Australia, who were magnificent in defeat, should have more than enough to earn the draw with Croatia to surely send them through as well.

While Steve Rider and co congratulate Shane Warne on his underdog country's spirited showing against the reigning champs and hot favourites, Warney gives a grudging: "Yeah, they played all right." What he really means is "Yeah, but they didn't win, did they?" That's the Aussie sporting psyche for you.

France v South Korea

France haven't scored in a Finals match, outside their own country, since 1986. There are rumours of dissention in the camp. The average age of their side is 30. Henry looks unmotivated, Zidane looks past it. And you think Ronaldo has got problems?

French coach Woody Allen makes one change, bringing in Mahlouda in place of Ribery, their best player against Switzerland. Quelle une genius.

First Half

France take the lead on nine minutes. Wiltord mishits a shot, but it falls to Henry. The arch-predator takes one touch, then slots it home easily with his left foot.

The French look like they mean business. Their shape looks better, Mahlouda adding some creativity in his role as support striker. And Henry looks hungrier in front of goal. As opposed to Ronaldo, who just looks hungry.

Henry goes down under challenge from Lee Young Pyo, and when the referee says no penalty, the Arsenal man is incandescent. He's angry too. But the French are even more furious soon afterwards when Vieira's header from a corner clearly crosses the line before Lee Wong Jae beats it away, but the ref plays on. Korea benefiting from dodgy decisions? It's 2002 all over again.

France are so on top, but they don't press home their advantage and the first-half drizzles to an uneventful end. The South Korean fans are awesome again, singing along to James Blunt on the tannoy at half-time with such searing volume that Lineker and company can't hear themselves think.

And Rio Ferdinand has forgotten it's his 50th cap tomorrow. The guy really needs to get some memory therapy.

Second Half

At half-time, the BBC pundits praised French improvement, but I'm not convinced. They have all the ball, but haven't imposed themselves on South Korea. Unless they get a second, have a feeling the super-fit Asians will once again show that never-say-die spirit of four years ago.

French fans' chants of "Allez les Bleus!" are drowned out by Korean drums. Yes, the battle for supremacy in the crowd is the most interesting aspect of this awful second-half. This game is so dull, but the Korean fans must be on happy pills. They are unstoppable.

And sure enough, with 10 minutes left, South Korea, who haven't looked like scoring, score. A cross from the right, a header back by Jaejin, and Park Ji Sung stabs it over Barthez so it drops comically into the corner. William Gallas is outraged. Woody Allen is ashen-faced. And it's Park Strife for France.

The Old Cockerel now decides to wake up and start crowing, but Vieira rifles a shot out of the stadium, Zidane sends Henry through but his effort is too close to the keeper, and then Zizou picks up a booking to rule him out of the Togo game. He goes off, replaced by Trezeguet, and throws his captain's armband down in disgust. The commentators speculate that this could be the last we ever see of Zidane. But surely France can beat Togo to reach the second round, can't they?

Dramatic finish. Sagnol crosses from the right, Henry is completely unmarked, but he heads wide. Offside anyway. France blow it and the game ends in a 1-1 draw.

Thoughts

Togo are having a meeting tomorrow to decide whether to boycott the Switzerland game over their pay row. Yeah, as if they'll go through with it. In the 'Dirtiest Team of the First Round' sweep, how many points do I get for my team quitting the tournament through greed? Can't get much dirtier than that.

If you thought France threw it away, spare a thought for Colin Montgomerie. Golf's favourite choker needs a par at the last to win his first Major at the US Open, and takes double bogey after being in prime position after the tee shot.

Top Five World Cup TV Pundits

1) Alan Hansen

2) Mark Lawrenson

3) Ruud Gullit

4) Ian Wright (honestly, he's much improved)

5) Jimmy Floyd Hasslebaink

Worst Five

1) Jay Jay Okocha

2) Shane Warne

3) Leonardo (David Ginola without a personality)

4) Martin O'Neill

5) Sam Allardyce

Day Nine - Saturday June 17 2006

2006-06-18T02:10:00.000-07:00

Daily Mirror Thought for the Day

"There are rumours that against Brazil, Australia will kick anything that moves. If that's true, then only Ronaldo is safe."

Poland v Iran

Here's a World Cup equation for you. Hangover + fatherhood + time off work + consistently dull 2pm matches in the heat= afternoon nap. Portugal v Iran is no different. I doze in and out of it for the first hour.

Portguese coach Luiz Felipe Scolari (Jimmy Greaves) is undefeated in World Cup matches. That includes 1966 until he made way for Geoff Hurst. Greavsie makes three changes to the side that made hard work of Angola. Deco starts, as do Maniche and Costinha.

Captains Luis Figo and Yahya Golmohammadi exchange pennants before kick-off. Once again, the Iranian gift is the size of Tehran. Figo's tiny plaque looks pathetic in comparison. It's a bit like Christmas, when you're dad buys you a PlayStation but you've only got him socks.

Speaking of unwanted gifts, surely Ian Wright didn't buy that horrible shirt and tie himself?

First Half

Deco's rasping shot on 12 minutes brings a smart one-handed save from the Iranian porn star keeper. The rest of the half I spend in the Land of Nod, but according to reports, the game's pretty grim. Portugal are so disappointing because coach Scolgreavsie won't take any chances.

Second Half

I must have this built-in goal alarm clock. Wake up on 63 minutes, as Figo storms inside from the left flank and slots it square to Deco, who strikes it early and crisply. The little Barcelona man wheels away in celebration as his shot flies in off the post, the keeper totally wrongfooted. 1-0 to Portugal.

Christiano Ronaldo and Figo keep switching wings. Ronaldo, the gay community's favourite footballer, is giving the Iranian full-back a roasting, so Kaebi opts to keep on body checking him until he's booked.

Substitute Rascul Paki Khatibi has a golden chance to equalise for Iran as centre-back Meira lets him race in behind, but screws his shot hopelessly wide. Big Phil Greavsie yells at Ronaldo, who's playing far too excitingly for him.

Hashemian heads powerfully towards the bottom corner from Zadi's cross. Ricardo makes a meal of the save. Surprised the show-off doesn't try a spot of juggling or maybe a few cartwheels, he's such a tart.

On 79 minutes, Figo commits Golmohammadi who lunges in recklessly. Figo falls over one of his own sideburns, via the Iranian skipper's outstretched leg, and Ronaldo blasts home the penalty. 2-0.

On the stroke of full-time, Ronaldo has another goal ruled out for offside. The Man U winger has looked sharp, lightning-quick and in great physical shape. In direct contrast to his Brazilian namesake, of course...

So Portugal qualify for the knockout stage, leaving their opponents among the also-Irans. Comparisons to England are still very noticeable. Portugal are also a talented side battling against poor form, yet still eeking out an opening match 1-0 win after an early goal and then a flattering 2-0 scoreline in the second game, both against weak opposition, and both have a negative coach.

Czech Republic v Ghana

Have a feeling that without the injured Baros and Koller, the Czechs will find it tough to reproduce their USA form. Ghana were more than a match for Italy, but their inexperience at World Cup level proved their downfall. Like Ivory Coast, they're fast, strong and attack relentlessly, but they switch off at the back at vital times. This could be closer than people think. And it's about time an African side won at this World Cup.

First Half

Sure enough, Ghana take a shock lead after just 70 seconds. It's just a hopeful ball in, the Czechs don't pick up Asamoah Gyan, and the ever-willing 20 year old lashes it past a stranded Petr Cech.

The super-skilled Rosicky and his midfield pal Nedved try to influence a comeback. But with the plodding Lokvenc leading the Czech line, they have no-one to hold up the ball effectively and link onto their intelligent passes and runs. Karel Poborsky has the best chance, but puts it wide. At 34, the ex-Man U winger's pace and skills are fading.

Meanwhile, Ghana just keep on attacking exhuberantly, with Michael Essien at the hub, and it makes for a fabulous spectacle. But they finish wildly, and Amoah, Gyan and Appieh are all guilty of missing gilt-edged opportunities.

Half-Time

Some ITV clown called Ned Boulting has somehow managed to gatecrash an American air force base in Kaiserslautern, ahead of tonight's Italy v USA game, to interview the soldiers. Please, somebody shoot him.

I made a mistake yesterday. Of course one East European side has scored in this World Cup, the Czechs got three against the Yanks. But I'm allowed to make errors, because I'm not paid to be a pundit. Unlike Sam Allardyce and Robbie Earle, who while analysing the Portugese display earlier, say they "lack a natural goalscorer". I'm sure Pauleta, with 47 goals from 84 caps, would disagree.

Second Half

After Nedved's early header is correctly disallowed for offside, this rapidly develops into the most refreshing, entertaining display of fearless attacking football during this World Cup. The Ghanaians simply won't be denied as they tirelessly pour forward.

And Petr Cech starts to demonstrate why he's rated the number one keeper in the world. He makes save after save, especially from the incessant Gyan. At the other end Kingson is also doing well between the African sticks, tipping over Placil's effort. Coach Karel Bruckner's brow is permanently furrowed. The wheels are coming off for the Czech Republic.

And then Matthew Amoah is tripped sneakily by Ujfalusi. The ref cries penalty, but takes an eternity to send the Czech centre back off. In the confusion, Gyan has a Zaire 1974-style rush of blood, and takes the spot-kick too early. He scores, but is yellow carded and misses the USA game, which could be crucial.

Gyan retakes it, sends Cech the wrong way, but his effort rebounds back into play off the post. The let-off rouses the previously depressed Czech fans, who start to believe the 10 men can turn this around.

But they just don't have the quality all over the pitch. Rosicky and Nedved can't win it on their own, and they are swamped by African energy, swift passing and sheer willingness to run all day. Gyan, undeterred by his booking and missed penalty, is such a likeable trier and doesn't stop bombing up the pitch, defenders bouncing off his muscular frame. But Cech is big as a house, as he denies Amoah, Muntari, Essien, Gyan. Ghana just can't kill the game off.

Finally they do, as with 10 minutes remaining Muntari picks a spot even Cech can't reach, the top left-hand corner. Pimpong comes on, and smashes his way through the heart of the ragged Czechs before setting up Muntari on a plate. He makes no mistake, but he's naively strayed offside. Could be a vital error. Although Ghana are going to win and go onto three points, a 2-0 margin will keep them behind the Czechs in the group table on goal difference.

And despite being pummelled into submission by the African juggernaught for 90 minutes, the proud CR nearly grab a consolation at the death, Kingson making two excellent saves from headers as time runs out.

Ghana 2 Czechs 0 it is. Only the second shock of this World Cup, but totally deserved. Ghana are now officially everyone's second favourite team, because of the joyously playground way they approached this game. And in the crowd, face-painted men with giant pots on their head rejoice.

As for the Czechs, it goes to show that Sven is actually right. Results are more important than performances. No point in winning 3-0 in your first game, and looking like potential world-beaters, if you then lose your next two and go out. Which Bruckner's men are in grave danger of doing, now without their three main strikers Koller, Baros, and the suspended Lokvenc for the Italy game.

I, for one, hope Ghana go through. They are the cliched breath of fresh air in this tournament.

Italy v USA

Really expecting an Italian rout here. During the national anthems, they are full of swagger, all greasy black sideburns and jutting jaws. The Americans have to perform better than they did against Czech Republic, but surely will find goals hard to come by against the mean Azzurri defence.

The wife is wearing her Italian shirt and has bought some Arrabiata flavour crisps, to capture the Latin mood. She's really trying hard, bless her.

First Half

The Yanks start well but Italy look so unruffled early on. Perhaps too unruffled. Casual, even. Bordering on cocky. And gradually, they start to give the ball away. The Americans, led by the spirited Convey and Donovan, keep attacking. Slowly, Italy get rattled.

But after 22 minutes, they score completely against the run of play. Pirlo whips in a free kick, and Gilardino scores with a diving header.

Deservedly, USA equalise five minutes later from their own free kick cross. Convey curls it to the back post, Zaccardo tries to clear, but freakishly slices it backwards. Buffon looks on helplessly as it trickles over the line. 1-1.

Immediately after the restart, De Rossi elbows Brian McBride and draws blood. Red card, no doubt. "He's protesting, how dare he!" Yes, overexcitable Peter Drury is the commentator.

Down to 10 men, the Italians are letting their frustration get the better of them. Coach Lippi is living up to his name, as he yells abuse at his team. On comes the combative Genaro Gattuso for the sacrificed Totti. 'The Snarl' does his job and for a while Italy actually look more organised with a man short.

Still, the reborn USA look the better side. But just moments after his long-range shot nearly creeps in under the crossbar, Yank midfielder Mastroeni receives a straight red for diving in studs-first at Pirlo's ankle. Coach Bruce Arena looks unconvinced by the decision, and that's putting it mildly.

Half-time arrives, one goal each, 10 men each.

Second Half

"That's strange, Pope playing against Italy." My wife cracks me up sometimes.

But Pope doesn't last much longer, as his tackle on Gilardino just minutes after the restart is anything but papal. The ref (who is from Uruguay, making him something of an authority on bad tackles) brings out the red card again and the USA are down to nine men. It's not been a really dirty game, but FIFA rules is rules.

Italy have their tails up now, and nearly go ahead with their own bizarre own goal, Bocanegra heading Pirlo's free kick onto the bar via Kasey Keller's fingertips. But the USA, even with two men short, continue to raise their energy levels. Then the excellent Clint Dempsey, who Peter Drury takes great delight in informing us is a "freestyle rapper, whatever that is", is replaced by Demarcus Beesley.

The fresh legs give the inspired States even more impetus, as Donovan sets up McBride to shoot wide. Panicking, Lippi sends on Del Piero and Iaquinta, playing three up with Gilardino to try to take advantage of the extra man.

But it's the Americans who score. Beesley shoots, Buffon makes a buffoon of himself, and lets it bounce through his grasp and into the far corner. Beesley charges away in ecstacy, but it's disallowed. Another twist in this dramatic, seething, incident-packed game. Confusion reigns, Drury doesn't have the nouce to clear things up, but we reckon McBride was standing in an active offside position. "BULLSHIT!" chant the American fans, who think they're watching baseball, or something.

The US don't seem to care that the ref is red-card happy and keep on thrusting in those strong tackles. Lippi has barmily used all three subs, even though his team are a man up, and pays the price as one hefty challenge reduces Perrotta to a hobbling passenger for the rest of the game.

Zambrotta shoots inches wide, and Keller saves majestically from Del Piero, twice, as time runs out. Landon Donovan has run himself into the ground, Claudio Reyna has kept it all together. Both deserve medals, as the USA, unrecognisable from their Czech display, hold out for the most controversial of draws. They're still in with a chance, but they have to beat Ghana and hope Italy play much better against the Czechs.

My Team of the Tournament so far

Cech, Sergio Ramos, Sorin, Cannavaro, Marquez, Rosicky, Robben, Essien, Riquelme, Torres, Crespo.

Day Eight - Friday June 16 2006

2006-06-17T01:29:00.000-07:00

In the doghouse

England are through to the second round and I should, by rights, be happy. Instead, today I feel like Michael Owen giving a post-match interview. On the defensive and snappy, because the whole world's against me and I can't do anything right.

This is because the wife is now officially sick to the back teeth of the World Cup. She says it's mainly annoyance that its taken over the BBC and ITV schedules and she can't chill out in front of daytime TV or the soaps as usual. So she's huffing and puffing round the house like Ronaldo trying to run, and it's getting on my nerves. I tell her she should be grateful that we're going out for a meal tonight, especially because I'm missing Mexico v Angola. Maybe this attitude isn't helping.

Argentina v Serbia and Montenegro

My favourite newspaper TV critic, Jim Shelley, reckons Alan Hansen is obsessed with the word 'unbelievable'. After this game, you can add 'fantastic', 'sensational' and 'awesome' to Big Al's repertoire of superlatives.

Argentina, the most impressive side of the first batch of games, bring in Luiz Gonzalez for Cambiasso, but are otherwise unchanged. The Serbs start with Koroman who made some inroads into the Dutch rearguard when he came on as sub in the first match. Skipper Savo Milosevic wins his 100th cap, which really says it all about the state of Serbian football.

Apparently when interviewed pre-match, the entire Serbia and Montenegro team are ultra-pessimistic about their chances. And that's understandable. None of the East European teams have even scored a goal in this World Cup so far. Then Dragutinovic is injured in the warm-up. Can things get any worse for the Serbs? Erm, yeah, quite a lot worse actually...

First Half

After six minutes, Argentina pop it about for fun. Pass, pass, pass, then Sorin flicks it wonderfully down the left flank to Saviola, who jinks inside, slides the ball between defenders into the box and into the path of a running Maxi Rodriguez who stabs it across the keeper into the top corner without breaking stride. A quite breathtaking goal.

It's 1-0 to Argentina. The camera pans to Diego Maradona celebrating in the crowd, screaming maniacally into the world's TV screens like its 1994 all over again. Half the Argentine national gold reserve hangs around his neck, by the looks of it.

Unlucky Gonzalez pulls up injured after just 17 minutes. Esteban Cambiasso comes on. Koroman, a real talent but a sly piece of work, commits a series of niggling fouls. One booking later, and he's out of the next game.

Pass, pass, pass, pass, pass. Argentina are moving the ball around with sublime precision, touch and simplicity. After 18 passes, they're near the Serbian penalty area. The move steps up a gear, Saviola plays a one-two with Riquelme, accepts JRR's peach of a back heel flick then strokes it square to Cambiasso on the edge of the area. The Inter Milan man pushes it into Crespo, continues his run as Crespo backheels, and finishes past a perplexed Jevric.

24 passes, the move starting in their own half. Goal of the tournament. Nothing will beat that. As Ken Wolstenholme said in 1970, that was sheer delightful football.

Crespo gets booked for putting the ball in the net after being flagged offside. Great finish, though. But it only delays the inevitable. Saviola hustles for possession near the right corner flag, races into the box and shoots. Jevric dives headlong but can only push it across the goal to Rodriguez who sidefoots in off the near post. 3-0.

The one-paced Serbs are being torn apart by a masterclass of possession football. As Ian Wright points out at half-time: "S and M are getting a whipping". Quite witty, for him.

Second Half

Serbia have to go forward now, they have no choice. But they can't find a way through. This super-fit, technically adept Argentina side also has four impregnable defenders - marshalled by Man United's Gabriel Heinze - who block and tackle as if their lives depend on it, even when their team is coasting.

Mateja Kezman is dismissed on 60 minutes, a straight red for lunging in on Maschareno. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound.

But just when it looks like Argentina have taken pity on their outclassed foes and the drubbing will end at three, Lionel Messi comes off the bench. Back from injury, the 18-year-old's World Cup baptism is far more breathtaking and memorable than Rooney's was yesterday.

On 78 minutes, he crosses for Crespo to tap home for four. Moments later, fellow substitute Carlos Tevez latches onto a long ball, beats two and slots home the fifth. Then Messi himself bursts into the box to slam in number six.

Argentina keep the ball for a full minute to play out time. It's like a practice match, they make it look so easy. The Serbs are shellshocked. It was simply a phenomenal exhibition - one to strike fear into the heart of every single other country and surely install Argentina as then new betting favourites. And as Alan Hansen says, once he's cleaned his drool off the floor, "What a pleasant way to spend an afternoon."

Holland v Ivory Coast

Going by strict logic, Ivory Coast should win this. After all, they nearly drew with Argentina, who wallopped Serbia and Montenegro 6-0, who the Dutch could only beat 1-0.

Getting ready to go out now, so only brief thoughts here...

The Africans get off to the same slow start as they did last Saturday, with the same result. After half an hour, the Elephants are two down. Robin Van Persie earns a free kick and curls it home left footed, past the suspect Tizier. Then Arjen Robben reverse passes to a fractionally onside Van Nistelrooy, who has all the time in the world to pick his spot.

After the Serbia game, Van Persie of Arsenal apparently moaned about Robben of Chelsea being a greedy git. If there has been trouble in Dutch paradise, then it seems to have been forgotten as the Premiership pair are co-exisiting beautifully today.

The Ivory Coast won't give up, though. Changing personnel after the Argentina loss, they've brought in Romaric and the Kone brothers. And it's little livewire Bakari Kone who pulls one back, veering across the Dutch defence, ball stuck to his feet in a Michael Owen v Argentina 1998 style before pulling the trigger to shoot diagonally, just like Owen did, into the top right-hand corner. It takes a great strike to beat the omnipresent Edwin Van Der Sar, who hasn't conceded in the previous 17 hours of international football.

Encouraged, Ivory Coast have further chances to pull it back before the break. The Dutch seem relieved to get in 2-1 ahead.

The second-half isn't as engrossing. Holland seem content to sit on their lead and Ivory Coast create few chances, despite having the possession. Captain Didier Drogba has the best, but Van Persie clears his header off the line.

At the final whistle, the Ivory Coast skipper looks disconsolate. He's tried hard, but picked up a second yellow card for his bustling, and will miss the Serbia game. Not that it will matter for either side. Holland join Argentina in qualifying with two straight wins. Ivory Coast, who have impressed and delighted with their attack-minded game, are unluckily out.

Mexico v Angola

Isn't much to write about. 0-0, with Angola hanging on in the second-half with 10 men thanks to an inspired performance by keeper Joao Ricardo, so I've heard. Quite glad I missed it really.

Day Seven - Thursday June 15 2006

2006-06-16T00:44:00.000-07:00

England are playing today

I wake up with tons of energy and in an insanely good mood. Dance around the kitchen to 'The Chris Moyles World Cup Song' on Radio 1. Still feel a bit giddy from last night's alcohol. By lunchtime, the boozy feeling has subsided somewhat- and been replaced by gnawing nervous tension.

This always happens when England play in a major tournament. I get more keyed-up with every game. Four years ago, in the days prior to the Brazil quarter-final, it was unbearable. I was pacing the house like a serial killer, moods swinging between hyped-up optimism that we might just win the World Cup and utter despair at the thought of experiencing that horrible empty feeling after we're inevitably knocked out. I do allow myself to get carried away when the World Cup's on, and show no signs of calming down as the years advance.

Preparing for the barbecue before England-Paraguay took my mind off the match, for which I felt fairly relaxed. But that was only the first game. If we'd lost or drawn, it wasn't the end of the world. Tonight is different. Tonight means something. If we win, we qualify for the knockout phase. If we lose, to a team of players from Gillingham, Port Vale and Falkirk Reserves....well, then I really will have something to be keyed-up about.

Ecuador v Costa Rica

Last night's binge consisting of two pints of Fosters, two Savannah ciders, a bottle of Peroni, a bottle of Becks, a bottle of Corona and two double vodkas and coke is catching up with me. After Carlos Tenorio heads home Valencia's cross on eight minutes to edge Ecuador ahead, I fall into a deep sleep on the couch.

Wake up at half-time. It's still 1-0 to the surprise package of this tournament. If Ecuador win, Poland and Costa Rica are out. And that means the South Americans could be England's second round opponents.

Terry Venables probably had one too many last night as well. He says he's concerned about Wayne Rooney coming off the bench today because "Costa Rica are tough tacklers". Ever the gent, Steve Rider moves swiftly on without correcting El Tel. And ITV's coverage of this World Cup continues to reach new depths.

I'm off to pick up my eldest son, Owen, from school. Yes, so named because he was born five days after that goal against Argentina in 1998. Get back home and it's 2-0 to Ecuador. But I'm going to have to miss the rest of it, because we're off to see England in an unusual setting.

The highlights show later on tonight will reveal Ecuador romped it 3-0, eliminating both Poland and Costa Rica in one fell swoop with second-half goals from Delgado and Kaviedes. The latter celebrated by donning a yellow Spiderman mask, as tribute to Otilino Tenorio, the Ecuador striker who was killed in a car crash in 2005. Wonder how long before FIFA rule that a yellow Spiderman mask goal celebration is a yellow card offence?

England v Trinidad and Tobago

We're off to see the game at a local country hotel where they are serving a special England-themed meal. Thought it would be more chilled than the sweatbox atmosphere of the pub. At this point in my life, a peaceful England-watching experience is much better for my blood pressure, especially post hangover. I'm such a hypochondriac.

The six mile journey on the bus takes an hour. It's 4pm, one hour before kick off, and traffic is appalling. Everyone is fighting to get to a TV set to see the game. The streets are filled with people in England shirts, wearing England flags as capes, their faces painted in the St George cross. Pubs, shops and houses are decked out in bunting and huge flags. Every other car has two stick-on flags on the windows. At this World Cup, patriotism is reaching absurdly frenzied levels.

First-Half

The hotel bar is quiet as we finally arrive. Not many other England fans have had the same idea as me, it seems. Our table has been reserved, right in front of the telly, decked in an England tablecloth.

It's a posh place, with middle-aged 'conference delegate' type guests and attentive staff. But this upper middle class tranquility is a rather surreal ambience for a crucial England World Cup clash. Better be on my best behaviour. No swearing at the screen.

Gary Neville is indeed injured and will miss the Sweden game too. In comes Jamie Carragher at right-back.

England begin positively. Lampard shoots from outside the box, Shaka Hislop can only parry it straight to Michael Owen but it rebounds off his knee and wide.

And the first course of the England-themed meal arrives. Mozzarella cheese and tomato salad. The white cheese circles and the red tomato slices are arranged in the shape of the St George cross. The world truly has gone mad.

But I can safely say it was the best England-gimmicked salad I've ever tasted. Very much in keeping with my heart-conscious mid-30s diet - which is increasingly consisting of salads, salads and more salads.

20 minutes go by, and the boys haven't scored. Peter Stringfellow's got the Tobogonnists well organised. 11 men behind the ball. England are knocking it about in their own half, then giving it away generously. They look plodding, unimaginative, lacking tempo and guile. Perhaps they're reserving energy, pacing themselves to a decent second-half display for once?

The second course is haddock in red sauce with mashed potato and roasted tomatoes. I know everything in this meal has to be red and white, but this over-reliance on tomatoes is as irking as England's over-reliance on the long ball to Peter Crouch. Why not peppers or....erm, er...some other vegetable that's red? Still, it fills a hole.

We're past the half-hour mark and England are dire. But then Crouch stretches out a telescopic leg to reach Joe Cole's cross, deflecting it onto the post. Owen's playing better than he did against Paraguay, setting up Lampard who sidefoots high and wide. Franky Boy has another shot which flies just past the upright. David Beckham has a go too with his underrated left foot, but straight at Hislop. The performance is stuttering and unconvincing, but at least chances are starting to come.

Then on 44 minutes, Gerrard finally gets a long ball on target, releasing Beckham down the right. A deft cross, and Crouch is clear eight yards out, but he engages Bambi mode. All legs and legs, his scissors kick goes so far wide it almost returns to Becks. "Ee-aw!" mocks some wag behind me. I fix him with an icy glare, but even such a staunch defenders of Crouch would have found that piece of finishing indefensible.

A rare T n T attack, in comes a free kick and what on earth is Paul Robinson doing? He comes for it, completely misses it, Stern John heads goalwards and it looks over the line before the excellent John Terry - our best player - stretches and hooks it away.

Replays show that Terry got to the ball just in time, and his athletic goal-line clearance has saved England the shame of going in at half-time 1-0 down. To flaming Trinidad and Tobago!

Half-time

The waiters, bless them, keep coming up to us and asking "Is everything all right?" They mean with the meal. I smile and answer in the affirmative, with gritted teeth. But no, everything is not all right. England have all the ball, but are predictable, pedestrian. And the crowd is chanting for Rooney. Instead of breaking him in gently, we might need Wayne to save us here.

Second-Half

I must sound like a stuck record as England passes repeatedly go astray. "Awful!" and "Shocking!", are my restrained words of choice for the day. I really want to F and blind at Sven to do something about this shower, but the surroundings aren't befitting. Don't think they even played this badly against Northern Ireland.

"They can't hear you Dad, it's on TV," is my fidgeting, ever so slightly bored offspring's contribution. At seven years old, Owen doesn't quite get it yet. He is interested in football, but it's more thanks to incessant father-to-son brainwashing than any deep love of the game.

Beckham's free kick, he plants it bang on Michael Owen's head, but our misfiring goal machine somehow misses the target. And Rooney's coming on, after 57 minutes. Aaron Lennon too. Eriksson finally making bold substitutions. Owen is hauled off for the second game running, as is the ineffective Carragher. Beckham drops deeper, England go three at the back. Which is fair enough, as Stern John is the only Trinidadian bothering to play in our half.

Dessert is strawberries, cream and meringue, for anyone who cares.

England look in better shape now. Young Lennon injects pace and width. Rooney isn't quite there yet, but his eagerness and vision begin to open up the Soca Warriors' defence. Tackling overenthusiastically, Dwight Yorke's men pick up five yellow cards. But thankfully, and perhaps tellingly, Rooney's foot stands up to the shellacking.

Crouch clumsily misses two more half-chances. I can almost hear the press pencils sharpening like knives for the Liverpool man. At 5pm today, he was a cult hero. Unless things change, by 7pm he'll be a gangly waste of space.

But Crouchie at least does well to exchange touches with Rooney, and Lampard has space in the box but his shot on the turn is straight at Hislop. Another chance for the luckless Chelsea man soon follows, but he drags his effort agonisingly wide across goal.

80 minutes are up. And T and T's dangerously swift and muscular human tank of a supersub, Cornell Glen, for one split-second has the measure of Ashley Cole and is bearing down on Robinson. Heart in the mouth time, but Cole recovers to rob him inside the box.

Seven minutes left. 0-0 against the rankest of rank outsiders. Humiliation stares us in the face. I feel that disbelieving, despairing pain coming on in my gut. The head-shaking, agonised realisation that we may actually draw, or worse, against lowly Trinidad and Tobago.

But there is still hope. Sven amazingly hasn't brought on Owen Hargreaves. Instead, his third sub is Stewart Downing who rakes a crossfield pass for Lennon to nod down to Beckham. The skipper sets himself, and arcs that precision right foot across the ball, propelling it high towards the back post. Where Crouch lurks. And leaps. And heads.

YEEEEESSSSSSSSS!

Hotel decorum goes out of the window and is replaced by a leap and punch of the air, right in front of the startled waitresses, and a hug for Owen. Crouchie has redeemed himself. England are, relievedly, in front.

And in injury time Steven Gerrard, left-footed, rifles home a flattering second past Hislop, who must be sick of the sight of him after the Cup Final, and now this.

There's still time for one last scare as Stern John's late tap-in is ruled out for offside. The brave Carribeans - who were much better than anyone could have possibly given them credit for - would have deserved a consolation, but it finishes England 2 Trinidad and Tobago 0.

Or more accurately, Liverpool 2 Trinidad and Tobago 0. I believe in karma, and that's revenge for Dwight Yorke's goal against the Mighty Reds in the FA Cup Fourth Round of 1999. I also have a long and bitter memory.

Sweden v Paraguay

We're home in time to see the second half. We haven't missed much. Ibrahimovic is Sweden's answer to Michael Owen, he missed another golden chance - for him - during the first 45 minutes and at the interval, gets taken off for his trouble.

Substitute Allback springs the offside trap, chips Bob Dylan in the Paraguay goal, but Caceres does his John Terry impression by racing in out of nowhere to clear as the ball bobbles towards the line.

If this game ends in a draw, England will top the group. And that means if Germany beat Ecuador, we'll probably end up playing the weakest team of the last 16. Not that a safe passage against Ecuador should be taken for granted. Where England is concerned, nothing is straightforward.

"I suppose you'd call Henrik Larsson ageless. What is he, 33, 34?" says David Pleat, adding to ITV's laughable array of verbal bumbles.

Although looking solid at the back, Paraguay have no final ball in their locker and are reduced to shooting from foolishly far-out distances. Far more positive, Sweden still look more likely to break the deadlock, although it won't be the jinxed Allback who grabs the goal.

Case in point - Linderoth lobs forward, Larsson leaps prodigously to head down, and once again Allback gets Swede FA joy in front of goal, scooping it on the turn from three yards out at a comfortable height for Bobadilla.

Sweden haven't scored for 179 minutes of this World Cup, that is, until Larsson heads across the box again and in runs Freddie Ljungberg to direct his header wide of Bobadilla's despairing dive with time running out.

1-0, the best-named coach in world football Lars Lagerback is dancing a jig on the touchline, and Swedish girls are snogging each other, only this time it's not a hotel porn channel. Instead it's wild jubiliation in the crowd as the Scandinavians probably save their bacon and condemn a poor Paraguay side to an early exit.

Thoughts

Interesting scenario. By the time England play Sweden on Tuesday, they will know if Germany or Ecuador has topped Group A. We could see a situation where if England lose to Sweden, they will avoid a Round Two clash with Germany- who are much better than everyone thought and have home advantage. So expect the debate in the coming days to surround how best to approach this game - as the media try to convince the public that we should lose on purpose. And with Rooney fighting fit, who plays up front? And how has it been possible for the team to play so badly, yet get off to England's best ever start at a World Cup?

Best Goals after Week 1 of World Cup 2006

1) Thorsten Frings (Germany v Costa Rica)
2) Fernando Torres (Spain v Ukraine)
3) Kaka (Brazil v Croatia)
4) Tim Cahill (Australia v Japan - the second one)
5) Thomas Rosicky (Czech Republic v USA - the first one)

Best Games

1) Argentina v Ivory Coast
2) Germany v Costa Rica
3) Italy v Ghana
4) Spain v Ukraine
5) Australia v Japan (for the last 10 minutes alone)

Bits and Pieces

Ronaldo, Mr World Cup Health Scare, was taken to hospital yesterday complaining of dizzy spells and sickness. That'll teach him to have a pre-match meal of 25 Big Macs.

Tim Henman is in the quarter-finals at Queens and Colin Montgomerie is winning the US Open. These sporting Brits are slipping under the radar due to the obsessive media scrunity of the World Cup - and benefiting from the obscurity.

Question of the Day - "If George Orwell was alive today to see Big Brother, what do you think he'd say?" Answer - "Get Grace Out! Get Grace Out! Get Grace Out!"

Day Six - Wednesday June 14 2006

2006-06-15T01:59:00.000-07:00

Spain v Ukraine

Three things are certain in this world. Death, taxes and Spain will underachieve in a major tournament. Maybe this year, when they have fresh blood and nobody's backing them because they've failed so many times before, will be different.

Fernando Torres starts up front instead of Raul. Liverpool's Xabi Alonso and Luis Garcia are also in the first eleven. Shevchenko is fit to start for Ukraine in their first finals appearance. ITV helpfully inform us that it's the hottest day of the Cup so far in Leipzig. It's cool here in Blighty and temperatures are supposed to drop for England v Trinidad and Tobago tomorrow too.

England Update

The papers are predicting that Rooney may play 20 minutes against Trinidad tomorrow. And Gary Neville could be out with an injury.

First Half

Spain start well. Right-back Sergio Ramos looks sprightly. Striker David Villa and Garcia combine well. But Spain are playing a dangerous game with their offside trap against Shevchenko's pace.

Not dangerous enough though. Marcos Senna has a dipping shot from way out which Shovkovskiy tips over, the corner comes in near post and it's headed in. Peter Drury claims it's Garcia's goal. Replays show it actually came off Xabi's shoulder via the keeper's glove. Either way, it's 1-0 to the Spanish.

Within four minutes it's two. Keanu Reeves lookalike Tusol gets booked for a foul right on the edge of the area and Villa curls home the free kick. "Clean as a whistle!" quoths the overeager Drury. But replays show it took a wicked deflection off the wall. Drury's having a nightmare.

And so is Shevchenko, who spends the whole half waiting for the ball, then when he finally gets the ball, falls over the ball, loses the ball, then hauls down Puyol in his frustrated embarrassment.

Speaking of nightmares, the distasteful Luis Aragones, Spain's coach, looks truly terrifying. He's the guy who allegedly made racist slurs about Thierry Henry and looks like a Scooby Doo monster. According to reports, some of Spain's younger stars are scared to death of him. No wonder they're playing out of their skins.

Second Half

Ukraine coach Oleg Blokhin brings on two subs. But within three minutes, his plan backfires. Torres powers clear with Vashchuk in luckless pursuit, but fails to convert. But the Swiss referee gives a penalty and sends the defender off. "Inexplicable!" exclaims the hapless Drury, even after replays show Vashchuk clearly tugs at Torres' shorts and puts him off. Shovkovskiy gets a hand to the kick, but Villa makes it 3-0.

Now Spain bring out the party pieces. It's matador v bull stuff, and other Spanish cliches, as they stroke it around and make Ukraine look silly, then change pace with penetrating precision to create chance after chance. But for Shovkovskiy, it could be 10-0. And Shevchenko cuts a forlorn figure at the other end, posing with his Patrick Swayze jawline. I've always thought he was a wuss since he took time out to check how his hair looked before Jerzy saved his crucial Champions League Final penalty.

Senna has a stunning strike disallowed, Raul comes off the bench and heads powerfully but straight at the keeper, then comes a brilliant fourth. Puyol comes bursting forward from the back, keeps running to receive it from Fabregas, and heads across for Torres to lash it home hard. Probably the best team goal of the tournament so far.

The final whistle puts Ukraine out of their misery. And I applaud. Spain were absolutely superb. Maybe this performance will please even Mr Angry Aragones. But probably not.

Tunisia v Saudi Arabia

Don't expect much from this and sure enough the first-half is piss-poor. Saudi have the possession, but Tunisia have the class. Zied Jaziri fires them in front with a tehnically adept half-volley, smashing a high bouncing ball into the roof of the net after the Saudis fail to deal with a free kick. The Africans are content to play on the counter, Jaziri up front on his own, for the rest of the half.

It turns around in the second period when Tunisia replace bushy-haired skipper Bouazzizi, for some reason. The Saudis force the game with extra belief and grab an excellent leveller when Noor crosses for Al Kahtani to sidefoot into the roof of the net. The Asians are full of zip now, playing three up front and look like they may turn this around.

On comes balding veteran Sami Al Jaber for his fourth World Cup. And within 90 seconds, what a story. The Roger Milla of Saudi soccer is sent clear, one touch, left foot and its in the bottom corner for his third goal in three tournaments. That should earn him another car. Or maybe an oil well.

The head of the Saudi delegation is called Prince Sultan Ben Fahd Ben Abdel Aziz Al Saud. Bet the shirt-makers are glad he's not a player.

The Saudis look like they've got this one wrapped up as Sulemani's crunching free kick nearly breaks the woodwork. But they blow a great chance to take advantage of Ukraine's humiliation and earn pole position for a qualifying spot in the group. Bolton's Jaidi goes forward, sets up Jaziri, and then heads home his floating cross from close range.

It's the 91st minute and finally an African team hasn't lost in this World Cup. An exciting ending makes this game a memorable one. It finishes two apiece.

Germany v Poland

After going stir crazy cooped up for five days, and making the wife seethe with three games a day taking over our lives, finally manage to get to a pub. Hope to see some Poles, as there's a large population of them live near me. Manage to spot one with a Polska scarf on the bus into the city.

There aren't any Poles in the Walkabout, though. But there are comfy chairs, Savannah cider, a bunch of student rugby players dressed as pirates, some spirited World Cup chat with my mate Franny, scantily-clad females to gawp at and watching the Germans struggle to break down a dogged Polish defence on seven tellies. My idea of heaven. Apart from the pirates.

Apologies if this report is brief, but I'm not so sad as to take my notebook to the pub.

Klose and Podolski both miss sitters in the first half and Poland are causing Germany far more problems with their physical game than they did Ecuador. They say styles make fights. Plus they seem to be playing Kick A German, a most noble pastime. I wish there were some Poles in here so we could bond over our mutual dislike of the Germans.

Franny offers me a ticket to see Madness at the MEN Arena in December. This night is getting better and better.

This is getting funny now as the Polish goal leads a charmed life in the second half. The keeper is doing a Tomaszewski with his improbable saves. After the Poles inevitably get a man sent off, both Klose and Ballack hit the bar from just yards out within seconds of each other. Hilarious!

The 91st minute. I take my eyes off the game for a second, believing the Poles have held out for a goal-less draw. I glance back, and the ball is in the net. Oliver Neuville has scored for Germany with virtually the last kick of the game. Bloody typical Germans.

But this doesn't dampen our night. We get roaringly drunk, go to an indie night, and dance stupidly while screaming our lungs out to Oasis and Pulp. England tomorrow! Or rather, England later today...by the time I eventually roll home.

Day Five - Tuesday June 13 2006

2006-06-14T00:02:00.000-07:00

Togo v South Korea

Talk about a traumatic build-up. Rank outsiders Togo have a disasterous African Nations Cup and sack coach Keshi. Then just days before the World Cup, the players boycott training over a pay dispute and new coach Otto Pfister resigns. So they have no manager in the run-up to their first ever Finals match. Worse still, I drew them in the office sweepstake.

Thankfully the Togolese eat humble pie and ask Otto to come back in time for kick-off, because although he may be balding and scary-looking, to them he's like a friendly German uncle. Uncle Pfister, you might say.

Even so, the excellently talkative BBC pundit and African footie expert Marcel Desailly - who shone last night during Italy v Ghana - backs them to get over their problems and beat a Korea side who have gone backwards since they overachieved on home soil four years ago. I don't have as much faith.

Instead, I'll be cheering every bad Togo foul and yellow card, because my only chance to win any cash in the office sweep is in the 'Dirtiest Team of the First Round' category. Hopefully the lack of discipline in the camp and the naturally violent tendencies of African teams (remember Cameroon in 1990?) will reap rewards.

The roof is on the stadium in Frankfurt to rid the pitch of the distracting giant spider shadow which caused so much havoc during England-Paraguay. But that makes the conditions even more boiling hot, and the BBC commentators are moaning again.

First Half

Yawn. The first 30 minutes are the worst so far, even worse than the last 30 minutes of England-Paraguay. What is it about Frankfurt and bad World Cup games? Absolutely no chances and both sides are overhitting every pass and shot. Korea are all fancy approach work and wayward shooting, like they were pre-2002. I turn my empty BBQ Pringles tin into a makeshift African drum and beat it to pass the time.

I've always said that my wife, who's trying really hard even though she really wants to kill me after five days of non-stop football, should apply for a job as a TV World Cup fashion expert (she used to work for Dorothy Perkins). She's always commenting on the players' dress sense, rather than the football, and here she helpfully points out that the Togo team's shirt fabric is in really poor condition. Maybe that's why they wanted more money.

Suddenly Mohamed Kadar knees on a hopeful long ball, races clear and powers home a cracker from the edge of the box. Togo lead after 31 minutes, amazingly, and they celebrate weirdly. They also nearly add a second before half-time but the Korean keeper saves from a free kick.

Owen Hargreaves or Grace from Big Brother

Who is more hated by the British public? I actually feel sorry for Hargreaves and think it wasn't on for the England fans to boo him onto the pitch against Paraguay, no matter how crap he may be. It's Peter Crouch syndrome all over again. What he needs is a quirky goal celebration and everyone will love him. Coldplay might even write a song about him, as they have for Crouch. Of course he's got to actually score first.

Second Half

Like his compatriot and predecessor Guus Hiddink, Korean coach Dick Advocaat makes inspired changes. He brings on 2002's hero, Ahn Jung-Hwan, abandons his three centre backs system and goes 4-4-2.

Within minutes Man U's Park Ji Sung bursts clear and Jean-Paul Abalo hacks him down. My best mate Graham Poll shows him the red card and Togo are down to 10 men. Get in! Togo end up with one sending off and two bookings, which may not be enough to put them ahead of Trinidad after the first round, but definitely makes them Dirtiest Team contenders. And the blonde Korean, Lee Chung Soo, equalises with a curling free kick.

Suddenly both teams are going for it. This is more like it. Uncle Pfister has perhaps ill-advisedly kept two up front even though Togo have 10 men, but at least that's making the game a spectacle. Korea are denied what looks to be a penalty and at the other end, Salifou blasts a good chance over the bar.

The South Koreans win it thanks to that man Ahn, who loops home a delightful 72nd minute shot with a slight deflection. 2-1 and three very good goals. The Korean fans are an excited sea of red. When are they never?

It's been a bad start for African nations. So much for Pele's prediction that an African team would win the World Cup by the year 2000. It's now 2006, and I can't even see an African team reaching the second phase.

France v Switzerland

Some hilariously out-of-tune national anthem singing before this one. Maybe Gary Neville has the right idea not to bother.

The great Zizou, Zinedine Zidane, has been coaxed out of international retirement for this World Cup. How exactly do you 'coax' anyone into playing in the World Cup? It's the same with the Togo team moaning over pay. Hey boys, I know it's not exactly a picnic living in the Third World, but this is the biggest tournament on the planet. And I'd play for free.

I predicted France for the semi-finals before the tournament began, on account of an easy draw, mainly. But by now, surely they can find a better keeper than Fabien Barthez?

First Half

Lots of chances but it's a dour game. Thierry Henry, playing up front on his own, looks lethargic and disinterested. In contrast new boy Frank Ribery, who pops up all over midfield, has far more oomph than the Arsenal talisman and is pulling French strings. He sets up Vieira, who mishits a half-volley high and wide. Henry shoots weakly at the goalkeeper. The French don't look much cop here.

The Swiss are decidely average too. Honest, willing, methodical but no genius whatsoever. Even so, their chunky-thighed centre forward Frei glances a header onto the post when it looked easier to score. And the cow bells start a-clanking.

Ribery gets clear down the right and sets up Henry, who fluffs his first touch but gets a goalward shot in, hitting a Swiss defender smack on the hand right on the six yard line. The preposterous Mick McCarthy is adamant this is not a penalty. Maybe Roy Keane was right to call him a ******* ******.

Zidane is seeing more of the ball now, the French have momentum but Henry wastes two more chances with pathetic efforts. The French coach, John Major, looks miffed.

Second Half

Dour stuff in the heat of Stuttgart. Henry can't be arsed. Zidane is in and out of the game. And France look decidedly ordinary, nothing like potential semi-finalists in fact.

The Swiss gain confidence and Barthez earns his corn with a goal-line stop from a Guigax header on 65 minutes. Zidane yells at Thuram. Gallas screams at Zidane. And Louis Saha comes off the bench. So does little Dhorasoo, who makes an immediate impact shooting just wide of the far post.

In injury time Switzerland nearly sneak it. Frei has a free header (a Frei header?) from Magnin's perfect free kick but opts to try to punch it into the net, gets a knuckle to it, and inadvertently takes it away from Djourou at the far post. So it finishes goal-less, with eight bookings. Probably the worst match so far and a 'debut catastrophique' for France at this World Cup, according to Mick McCarthy - who should know, because his commentary's pretty catastrophique too.

Brazil v Croatia

Whenever Brazil play, it's a happening. You know you're going to see something special. Tonight is no different. The whole family gathers in the living room hoping, no, expecting to witness some South American magic.

BBC1 (who have screened three games back to back today, with apologies to Neighbours fans) goes into Brazil hype overload, heralding the 2006 team on the same level as 1970's green and golden generation. To be fair, their line-up does look a bit tasty. Ronaldinho, Kaka, Adriano, Ronaldo. The latter has 12 goals in the last two Finals, he's two shy of Gerd Muller's all-time record. Sadly, looking at the size of him he's also two short of the World Pie-Eating Record.

By the way, they're playing Croatia. The strange Adrian 'Where On Earth Did They Get Him From?' Chiles, who is half-Croatian, has been drafted in as BBC's 'man in the stadium', but acts like a man in the street. Blathering incoherently, the West Midlander does not look comfortable on camera, flinging his hands around over-excitedly and nearly taking Gordon Strachan's eye out.

First Half

Croatia start well, concentrating their attacks down Brazil's right, patrolled since 1884 by the ageing Cafu. Prso gets some joy down that flank, but the favourites break like lightning and look capable of scoring at will. Only problem is, they don't. And Ronaldo looks fat.

Roberto Carlos bangs in his trademark 40 yard blockbuster and the keeper turns it over. Then Ronaldinho accepts a short corner and blasts in a cross shot, again the Croatian goalie palms it away. Then a promising move breaks down as burger-loving Ronaldo misses the ball altogether and looks a clown. Yes, he is Ronaldo McDonald.

Croatia are big, strong, well-disciplined and other cliches used to describe East European sides. They pen Brazil back. Their burly left-sided midfielder Babic, who resembles one of the Klitschko brothers, thunders at Old Man Cafu time and again. Then Brazil gain a free kick outside the box and the world holds its breath. Ever-smiling, Ronaldinho wallops it into the wall. Even that doesn't wipe the grin off his toothy chops.

Croatia have nearly made it to half-time with their goal intact. Perhaps they are thinking about this when Cafu overlaps, passes square to Kaka, he makes space for the shot and curls a sublime left footer into the top corner. 1-0 to Brazil out of absolutely nothing. And yet another belting goal in this World Cup.

Second Half

Lots of channel-hopping to enjoy Grace's slow, painful come-uppance on Big Brother. But I get the impression Brazil are continuing to disappoint. If Babic is Klitschko, then Ronaldo is Mike Tyson. Overweight and vulnerable, but still with a hefty punch as after an hour of fumbling ineptitude he finally cracks one in from the edge of the box just over. But after 68 minutes, they put him out of his misery. Ronaldo jogs to the touch-line, the fastest he's moved all night. Robinho comes on.

Cafu crosses and Ronaldinho's header is kept out by the rock-solid Pletikosa. Still Ronaldinho smiles. But Croatia have their chances too, some good ones. Brazil fall asleep from a quick corner but Babic shoots straight at Dida, and Krancjar (son of the Croatian coach) heads over the bar.

Brazil scrape a 1-0 win. It's been anything but magical. Perhaps coach Parreira knew something the rest of the world didn't when he played down his side's chances.

Thoughts

Straw clutching time. In 2002, Brazil were written off as beatable. But they had a fairly easy passage through to the trophy, no-one seriously tested them because most of the classy opposition (France, Argentina, Italy) managed to get themselves knocked out early. Four years on, and they will undoubtedly canter through this group, even if they play as badly as they did tonight. But in the second round, the Czechs or the Italians await. And that most certainly won't be a cakewalk.

And speaking of cakes, wonder if Ronaldo will start against Australia?

Day Four - Monday June 12 2006

2006-06-12T14:20:00.000-07:00

Weather Watch

Thunder and lightning and downpours this morning here in Blighty. The fools who'd left their England flags outside their houses must have been worried, but it fined up by lunchtime and got out quite nice later on. In Germany, it's still hot. Today is also the day Roy Keane announces his retirement. Good riddance too.

The Rooney Debate

Last Wednesday, Wayne Rooney may not have been fit to play in the World Cup at all. On Thursday, he was fit to play in the knockout stage. Then on Friday they said he may be fit enough to come on against Sweden. Today's papers speculate that he may even start against Trinidad.

This is a superhuman recovery, but I personally would give him 20 minutes against Sweden and nothing earlier. We shouldn't need him to beat a T&T side surely drained from their overachieving on Saturday. Give him a few minutes in the final group game when the pressure is off, ease him into the World Cup, then unleash the lad in the second phase.

Australia v Japan

Didn't sleep too well last night and off work for the entire first week, so usually have a nap in the afternoon. These two 'improving nations' are so inept that it makes dozing easy. After Viduka forces a double save from Kawaguchi early doors, Clive Tyldsley's playground smirks at the Japanese player Fukunishi and his obsession with Australian cricket analogies eventually sends me into the Land of Nod on the living room couch.

I miss Japan's controversial goal, a hopeful lob from Celtic's Nakamura from the right wing which flies over Mark Schwarzer's head and straight in. Aussie coach Guus Hiddink claims his keeper was impeded but nothing doing. 1-0 to Japan.

The Last 10 Minutes

I wake up on the stroke of 80 minutes and am thankful that I did. Australia remain a goal down, but have brought on three subs - Cahill, Aloisi and a giant bearded centre forward called Kennedy, an unkempt drongoe who looks like he's been in the Bush for the past six months. Hiddink, that wily old walrus, has changed the game. An unbelievable comeback is about to unfold. Even more unbelievably, Harry Kewell hasn't limped off injured in a big match, for once.

Aloisi fires in a free kick, but Kawaguchi saves. But from the resulting throw in, the keeper flaps and the ball drops into the area, Japan panic, and Cahill lashes it in through a crowd. He may be an Evertonian, but it's pleasing to see Australia's joy at their first ever World Cup Finals goal with just six minutes left.

Immediately the Japanese full back Komano wriggles to the byline, cuts inside towards goal and that man Cahill, tracking back, appears to trip him. No penalty. It is a pivotal incident.

Suddenly the game is alive and I don't want it to end. Ono sets up Fukunishi who curls one wide. Then Aloisi (that name is so hard to type) feeds Cahill on the edge of the area, Japan back off, and Toffee Tim hacks in a 25 yard shot which creeps in off the post. Australia celebrate. Japan's coach Zico looks forlorn - struck down, in the supreme irony, by a rampant team in gold and green.

Kennedy, who looks like a roadie for Men At Work, has been a real bustling handful for Japan's somewhat lightweight defence, which caves in again in injury time as Aloisi charges through and finishes left footed. Australia win 3-1. It's a great day for the Socceroos.

Quick mention for ITV's panel - Jim Rosenthal, Ruud Gullit, Terry Venables and Andy Townsend. Much improved on last night's shoddy team. Relaxed banter, that's what we want from our TV World Cup panellists. Yesterday Pearce, Okocha and Logan looked so nervous it was like they were facing the firing squad.

Czech Republic v USA

Milan Baros is unfit. Jan Koller is back after almost a season out with a knee injury. Pavel 'Rick Parfitt' Nedved and Arsenal's new signing Tomas Rosicky are in midfield. Meanwhile, long-serving US coach Bruce Arena bizarrely continues to believe Kasey Keller is a better goalkeeper than Brad Friedel.

First Half

On five minutes, Grygerra sends in a perfect right-wing cross and Koller powers home a header. The USA creep back into it, neatly keeping the ball, and Claudio Reyna (playing in his fourth Finals) cracks a low shot against an upright. Soon afterwards, Rosicky shows him how it's done. Picking up a loose headed clearance, he steadies himself and fires a swerver from 25 yards past the despairing Keller.

The powerhouse Koller (Richard from Big Brother) goes down with what appears to be a serious hamstring injury. The big man is stretchered off. His World Cup may be over, and that could seriously dent the hopes of the classy Czechs.

Second Half

Arena brings on two attack-minded players, Johnson and O'Brien. Eddie Johnson particularly looks lively and shoots with regularity, without ever really looking like scoring. The Yanks are just a bit pedestrian and predictable, while Rosicky and Nedved dart about the midfield, controlling matters with touch and vision. And another thumping Rosicky effort hits the crossbar.

In the dying minutes, Nedved sends his partner-in-sublime on his way. Rosicky bursts into the area, draws Keller, and finishes smoothly. 3-0, two for Arsene Wenger's new bargain, and the Czechs look like a bonafide Black Beauty*. The key to Group E is whoever wins the group, probably avoids Brazil in the next round. Let's see how the Italians do.

* A dark horse.

Italy v Ghana

Wanted to put a bet on Ghana before this match, but perhaps that would have offended the Italians, in more ways than one.

Zambrotta and Gattuso are out injured, but playmaker Francesco Totti is back from a broken leg. Buffon has been cleared of wrongdoing in the Italian betting scandal and celebrates by wearing a fetching all gold strip. Does that make him the golden goalie?

First Half

It's 90 seconds before an Italian player falls over and starts rolling around in agony.

A really absorbing 45 minutes of football, this. Ghana are a bit like Ivory Coast were on Saturday - maybe not quite so cultured and imaginative - but strong, fast, great teamwork. Essien is outstanding, breaking up attacks and probing to start counters. Captain Appieh appears everywhere. Striker Asamoah Gyan (which sounds like Azerbaijan when Motty says it) is brave and direct.

Only two criticisms of the African debutants. They can't defend set plays, and they try to kick the leather off the ball every time they shoot when a little composure wouldn't go amiss. Oh, and they have a dodgy keeper like the Ivorians. I know that's three criticisms, but I'm tired.

Italy were written off by me before this tournament, but they're actually better than I thought. Luca Toni, 30 goals in Serie A this season, looks a class act up front. Both he and his partner Gilardino hit the woodwork in the first half hour, Toni after a marvellous half-volley onto the underside of the bar. Totti's 40 yard free kick scorches Kingson's gloves on its way over the bar, and from the corner Cannavaro heads onto the net roof.

Missing chances was Italy's undoing in 2002, would it be again? No, because on 40 minutes Ghana go to sleep defending a corner, and Andrea Pirlo (of ha, ha, Jerzy saved your penalty fame) drives a fierce cross shot home from the edge of the box. A pearler from Pirlo. Overlapping, languid left-back Grosso could have made it two before half-time but Kingson, showing much better reflexes than his decision making on crosses, blocks well.

Second Half

Big Brother starting at 9pm is a real pain, it means channel hopping aplenty during the second half.

Toni shoots straight at Kingson when clean through, but the Ghana keeper does well to save with his legs. Then Painsill challenges Totti, who collapses as if shot. He doesn't seem too badly injured, but Marcello Lippi takes him off as a precaution and brings on Camoranesi, with the biggest pony tail in the world. Ghana introduce a player called Pimpong. Wonder if he'll smash one over the net?

Toni and De Rossi have headers and go close, and Kingson saves again from Perrotta. Italy are creating loads, Essien keeps on driving Ghana forward but Cannavaro and Nesta look comfortable. Then substitute Iaquinta breaks clear, and Samuel Kuffour cynically chops him down from behind. A certain red card, but Iaquinta was offside and Kuffour gets away with it.

Justice with seven minutes left. Kuffour underhits a back pass and this time there's no catching Iaquinta who rounds Kingson to make it two. I say justice, because Asamoah Gyan was denied a stonewall penalty minutes earlier when he forced his way through an Italian sandwich only to be felled in sight of goal.

Thoughts

Italy 2 Ghana 0 is the final score of yet another entertaining match. All the potential tournament winners have looked pretty impressive so far, all except England of course. But meh, we will improve as the World Cup goes on, and other cliches.

Am I sick of football yet? No. Can I cope with another day of three games tomorrow? Of course, but I would quite like to go out soon to sample some World Cup pub atmosphere, perhaps for Brazil tomorrow night or Germany v Poland on Wednesday. The wife is starting to make bored noises though. I check the diary, and decide to take her out for a meal on Friday night. Mexico v Angola is missable.

Day Three - Sunday June 11 2006

2006-06-11T23:23:00.000-07:00

Weather Watch

Still hot. Bit cloudy though. Thunderstorms predicted overnight. Same for Germany, without the clouds and thunderstorms.

Holland v Serbia and Montenegro

Gary Lineker is sometimes quite witty, but he can be unbearably smug with it. The Queen Mother of Football revelled in catching Ian Wright out with: "So do you like S and M?"

First Half

It's a lazy Sunday in Blighty and feeling dozy after a few shandies yesterday. So when the first 15 minutes is nothing to write about, I grab 40 winks. Thankfully a knock on the front door jolts me awake in time to see Van Persie release Robben, who accelerates clear to make it 1-0.

Robben is another one I've never rated as highly as others. For me, he's disappointed in the Premiership. Here in Leipzig, he is a locomotive. The Flying Dutchman. A 21st Century Stanley Matthews, full of trickery and a 45-year-old face - little legs pumping down that left flank. He cuts inside and lets rip with a searing shot which brings a fine save from the S and M keeper.

Second Half

The ex-Yugoslavs are well-drilled, they press hard but have no end product. They bring on two subs, Koroman and a chap whose name sounds like Lee Bowyer. Koroman forces a fine save from Van Der Sar, puts himself about and gets booked for demanding a yellow card for a bad tackle. Refs are taking FIFA directives to the letter so far.

This game is a tough one to stay awake for, apart from the dazzling Robben. Now he's on the right, teasing, cutting inside and shooting wide. And Van Persie just misses the far post with a cross shot free kick. How Dick Kuyt never got a touch he'll never know.

The final whistle, and the Netherlands remain unbeaten under the ever-youthful Marco Van Basten. He axed Davids, Kluivert, Stam and Seedorf (the most overrated player in world football) for this tournament, and the Dutch look better for it. On this display, definite semi-final candidates.

Mexico v Iran

Smug Lineker comes unstuck. He introduces panellist Leonardo as "one of the members of Brazil's World Cup winning team of 1974". To his credit, the suave Samba star doesn't seem bothered to have been aged by 20 years.

Iran win the award for The World Cup's Biggest Pennant For The Captains To Exchange Before Kick-off. And they have the World's Fattest Child Mascot too. Veteran captain Ali Daiei must be knackered carting that thing onto the pitch. The pennant, not the kid.

First Half

With their 1998 tournament survivors Daiei and Mahdavikia prominent, Iran start brightly. Hashemian could have scored twice in a minute, the second chance bringing a fine save from Sanchez, whose father died a few days ago.

Gradually Mexico start to look dangerous from set-plays and on 28 minutes, Franco heads on a corner and Bravo thumps it home from close range with some aplomb. 1-0 to the Mexicans.

Iran deserve their equaliser eight minutes later. It comes from shirt name stitcher's nightmare Golmohammadi, sweeping home after Sanchez fails to deal with another corner. At the break, 1-1 is a fair score.

Second Half

Mexico bring on two subs including Brazil-born Zinha. The Green Machine come out swinging, finally showing the cohesiveness of a squad who have been together since April 17. Their commanding captain, Barcelona's Marquez, powers into the box from centre back and is blocked- but a cast-iron spot kick is turned down.

Iran have stopped surging forward. Instead they defend with an increasing sense of desperation, pulling men back behind the ball. At last, on 76 minutes comes the inevitable. Their porn star keeper, blinded by his untidy mullet, miskicks - the centre back fails to cover, and Zinha keeps his head during this comedy of Iranian errors to feed Bravo, who sidefoots home neatly.

The third isn't long in coming. Zinha starts and finishes the move, heading home a Mendez cross. This is how to change the game with a substitution. Sven take note.

A good 3-1 win for Mexico then, as Iran out of steam.

Embrace enter charts at number three

'World At Your Feet' has actually grown on me. The lyrics are quite inspirational really. If rather inaccurate.

"You're the first in my life to make me think that we might just go all the way..." Well no, they aren't. I thought we might go all the way in 1990, and in 1996, and even for a while in 2002 and 2004. "....and I want you to know we're all hanging on...." Hanging on to what? "....you know that we'll never lose if we keep going forward and don't look back..." actually, playing that way you're always suspect to being caught on the break. "....like stars in the sky, seen by a billion eyes...."in fact only 31 million watched England v Paraguay, according to BBC viewing figures. I suppose he's taking the global audience into account.

But anyhow, Danny McNamara got one thing right. It CAN be done....but only if we play miles better than we did yesterday.

Angola v Portugal

500 years of Portugese colonisation, 27 years of war, and now here Angola are at the World Cup taking on their Colonial Brothers. My boss has the African rank outsiders to win 'Dirtiest Team of the First Round' in the office sweep. Judging by their insanely violent tackling during their last encounter with Portugal - when the match was abandoned because they'd injured half the opposition- he may have a chance.

Angola's first eleven have some great comedy names. There's centre back Kali - The God of Death. Loco, apt because his hairstyle is bonkers - basically a caterpillar stuck to his forehead. Jamba, Akwa (didn't they have a hit with Barbie Girl?) and best of all, Ze Kalanga. The question is, if he plays badly tonight, will they drop Ze Kalanga?

First Half

This could be the Germany v Saudi Arabia of 2006. Even in these temperatures, Angola freeze at the kick-off and Pauleta nearly scores the fastest World Cup goal ever in 12 seconds, just dragging his shot wide. Within four minutes, he does score, easily firing home from 10 yards after Luis Figo brushes aside the Angolan defence with a storming run and makes them look like a Sunday pub team. Cover your eyes, people of Angola. This could be a thrashing.

But somehow, Simao and co fail to kill off the game. Ronaldo's thumping header hits the bar, Miguel and Figo combine down the left to set up the Man U poseur again but Joao Ricardo saves his well-struck shot.

And Angola, incredibly, settle. They are unorthodox but fast and fearless now - Akwa in particular trying ridiculous 20 yard overhead kicks. Kali is killing off most of the Portugese moves at the back. And good Lord, Angola nearly score when Andre belts one in from 25 yards but that annoying short-sleeved, playacting tit of a goalie who broke English hearts two years ago dives showboatingly to save. Not that I hold grudges or anything.

Second Half

The first half was perversely entertaining, and Angola still might get something out of this. There really are no easy games in the World Cup any more.

But this game starts to resemble England v Paraguay. Fancied Europeans score early, promising a rout, but then as frustration and tiredness sets in with an hour gone the coach settles for what he's got, takes off their most dangerous attacker (Ronaldo) and brings on a midfielder (Costinha). Imagine the uproar if we only managed to beat Angola 1-0?

Angola are containing Portugal easily now, reducing them to shots from distance which their keeper collects with some comfort. Unfortunately, the Africans don't quite have what it takes to actually mount any consistent attacks themselves, and the game peters out to a 1-0.

Day Two - Saturday June 10 2006

2006-06-11T03:52:00.000-07:00

World Cup Barbecue

That's what I'm having today. A few mates round, flamegrill some meat until its dead, watch the England game, and celebrate instant lighting charcoal as the world's greatest invention ever.

England v Paraguay

It's still hot in Blighty. And it's even hotter in Frankfurt, apparently. At least, so Motty and Mark Lawrenson keep telling us during this game. Every five minutes. Moaning gits, you'd think they'd be happy to be doing the best job in the world - talking about football, at the World Cup, and getting paid for it. Buy a sun hat, you cheapskates.

Gerrard is fit. Had a bad back this week but he's OK. So it's 4-4-2. Crouchie, as I predicted yonks ago, will start. The midget Paraguayans are suspect in the air so El Jirafa (as one Argentina fan nicknamed the lanky one, according to The Mirror) will terrify the life out of them. As a Liverpool fan, and staunch defender of The Crouch against any and all critics, I'm pleased for the lad.

It's so hot in the stadium that a giant spider casts a shadow over the pitch. It's like being back in the Azteca, 1986 - they had cool giant spider shadows too.

First Half

And we're ahead inside three minutes. Beckham's been in scintillating form. Left-wing free kick, better delivery than Postman Pat, pandemonium in the Paraguayan defence, skims off Carlos Gamarra's head, and it's 1-0. I allow myself a subdued celebration. It's early days, got to pace myself. The charging around a pub, leaping into the air, eyes bulging, stranger hugging, mouth roaring, pint spilling goal celebrations will come in the later rounds.

England are playing well. Beckham's set-plays look dangerous, Crouch is linking play, Gerrard is everywhere. John Terry looks a bit error-prone though. Motty mentions the 'new ball that swerves in the air' a lot. Should benefit our lads who can belt a ball - Gerrard, Lampard, Rooney later on. Except Stevie G has left his shooting boots at the Millennium Stadium. He powers about four impossible 25 yard half-volleys into Row X. After the West Ham wonder goal, perhaps he believes his own press a bit too much.

It's all England. Lovely slick combination work between Becks and Stevie rounds off a dominant first-half display. Bet we're crap in the second.

Second Half

Sure enough, we are.

And after 10 minutes of Paraguay growing in confidence and keeping the ball, Sven makes one of his head-scratching substitutions. The game's crying out for Carrick so we can retain possession. (£10 million Spurs turned down for him today from Man U, good on 'em), so he takes off Owen - who has looked dangerous if not razor-sharp - and brings on Stewart Downing on the left. The excellent Joe Cole goes into the hole behind Crouch, but without Michael running beyond his flick-ons, El Jirafa begins to look isolated.

I have that "We should have killed this game off 3-0 inside 30 minutes and now we're going to cling on for a 1-0" feeling in my stomach. You know, the same one I had against Portugal in Euro 2004. Thankfully, Paraguay aren't quite Portugal.

Plus the Mexican referee is an arse. He's 'pernickerty', according to Motty. You can tell he's a stickler for the rules, hair is immaculately combed, greased and shiny. He seems to have a problem with our lads taking on water - maybe there's a shortage in Frankfurt. And his sole purpose in life is to give a free kick to Paraguay every time the ball lands on Crouchie's head.

One of 'Giant Banana' Robinson's goal kicks goes airborne and hits the overhead scoreboard. Cruelty to giant spiders, if you ask me.

Lampard has a couple of shots. The sub Paraguay keeper, Bob Dylan, I think his name is, saves well. Up the other end, Valdez looks lively without really ever threatening. Their golden boy Santa Cruz looks like he hasn't played since October. Which he hasn't. Santa Claus would have been better.

Imagine if Santa Claus played football

OK, so he's a little on the lardy side. But he does have exceptional gifts.

Back to the game

We look disjointed, we can't pass for toffee, we need some pace up front, and just as I'm beginning to think Walcott might be an option, Owen Hargreaves comes on. Quelle surprise.

But we cling on for 1-0. Relief, rather than euphoria. The BBC panel are suitably scathing of the second-half performance and Sven's substitutions. But I'm a positive person. It was a case of job done. We've won our opening game (which is more than we usually do, Tunisia in 98 excepted) against a good side, one only eliminated from the knockout stage of the last two World Cups 1-0 by the eventual winners (France in 1998) and runners up (Germany in 2002). And as Lawro says: "If we'd been bad in the first-half and good in the second, it would have been a different story."

And if we're looking for excuses, it was hot. We had a kick about in the back garden after the game, and we were struggling too. So I have sympathy.

Sweden v Trinidad and Tobago

Beforehand, it was a case of how many will Sweden score? TT surely wouldn't be at the races - the smallest country ever to play in the World Cup. And they had Dwight Yorke in the holding midfield role?????!!!!!

Sweden roar out of the blocks. All the way through this game, there's a feeling of inevitability that Ibrahimovic or Larsson will slot one away. Trinidad are hanging on for dear life early on. But they grow in confidence, and begin to play a bit. They look comfortable on the ball, organised in defence, nippy going forward. But surely class will tell eventually.

Start of the second-half, a ridiculous FIFA rule sees Avery John sent off for winning the ball clean. But the tackle was performed in a dangerous style, see? Norman Hunter wouldn't last five minutes these days. Surely the final nail in the West Indian coffin. Floodgates, open.

But no! Shaka Hislop, who only came in at the last minute when Kelvin Jack was injured warming up, makes stunning saves from Ibrahimovic and Allback. Central defenders Sancho and Lawrence are playing out of their skins. Their manager (Peter Stringfellow) is beaming with stunned disbelief.

And Cornell Glen (awesome name) goes storming up the other end and cracks one against the bar. Firmly behind Trinidad now. A great story, the Carribean underdogs clinging on with 10 men against Euro aristocrats. Plus if Sweden only draw, England will just have to beat Trinidad to clinch qualification after two sodding games!!! And that never happens...

The ref races halfway down the pitch and takes up 30 seconds telling Hislop off for time wasting. And to think, I was praising the officials yesterday.

They've done it! Trinidad cling on for a glorious goal-less draw. The Swedes look even more gutted than the day Abba split up. And the party can begin....

Great Songs of the Moment

'Monster' by The Automatic and 'Valerie' by The Zutons. And 'Faster Kill Pussycat' by Paul Oakenfold with Brittany Murphy.

Argentina v Ivory Coast

Clive Tyldsley and Peter Drury are good commentators, but ITV's panel is rubbish. Why Jay Jay Okocha? He's African, see. His half-time analysis consisted of constant beaming as if just happy to be there. As for Gabby Logan, she's easy on the eye but she's no Gary Line-Acher (as Mick Channon, best ITV pundit ever, called him throughout Mexico 86. Maybe they should bring him back - and his windmill arm celebration.)

First Half

Ivory Coast are everybody's outside bet to do well. But Argentina are everybody's second favourites, especially for those who had England as second favourites until earlier today.

The Elephants, clad all in orange (Christ, we'll get tango-d when they play Holland) begin well. But they have a dodgy keeper, Matthew Le Tissier, I think he's called. He appears to spill Ayala's 14th minute header over the line. But Roy Carroll is the linesman, so nothing is given.

Juan Roman Riquelme, eh? Argentina's star player, supposedly a precise passing machine, a playmaker of vision and artistry. Pah, he looked pretty ordinary to me when Villareal crashed to Arsenal in the Champions' League semi. But what do I know? Pulling a pained expression of sheer concentration, JRR whips in a corner, it bobbles in the box and Hernan Crespo stabs home on the half-volley. 1-0 to the Argies.

Who designed the shirts for this World Cup? None of the names on the back begin with a capital letter. Pretentious arty types, no doubt.

Hey, these Ivorians are pretty good. They're all flamboyant, pacy, willing to take men on. Aside from Kolo Toure and Didier Drogba, they have Kalou, Keita, Boka, Yaya Toure and Zokora - all talented. But Argentina look solid at the back, Sorin on the left side in particular, and they have cutting edge going foward.

And they have Riquelme. With licence to roam, he pops up on the left and threads it through to Saviola. Suspicion of offside, but protests are useless. Saviola slots it under Tizier for number two and ladies and gentlemen, this is the best team we've seen so far at World Cup 2006.

Drogba scowls.

Second Half

This is a cracking game. Argentina are containing the Ivorians, but they won't give in. The Coast just keep on irresisitibly sweeping forward. They bring on Dindane down the left, and he's another one with a mesmeric dribble and surging energy. Then on 63 minutes, the unthinkable happens. Riquelme misplaces a pass.

Nine minutes to go. After 81 minutes of putting himself about like a bullying prizefighter and scowling, Drogba shows his class. Dindane gets to the byline, pulls it back, and the Chelsea muscleman sweeps it home on the turn. No less than the Africans deserved. And Argentina are clinging on a bit now.

But still that butterfingers goalie nearly blows it. Tizier drops Riquelme's stinging shot and it falls for Rodriguez to scramble it home. But he's offside.

It finishes 2-1. A fabulous spectacle and if I was England, or Brazil, or anyone, I would be scared to death of the Argentinians. But ever the optimist, I don't think they have the strength in depth to win it. Although, like us, they haven't unleashed their wonderkid yet. Barcelona's Lionel Messi remained on the bench.

Day One - Friday June 9 2006

2006-06-09T22:56:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my World Cup Blog

Hello, guten tag, bonjour, konichiwa. My name is Greg Lambert, I'm 34 years old, married with two children, a writer by trade, I live in Lancashire in England, have supported Liverpool since I was eight years old, and I have but one ambition left in life.

To see England win the World Cup.

A lot of respected critics are telling me this holy grail could actually happen this year in Germany. So, despite my natural suspicion of I Pods, MSN Messenger, text messages and any other 21st Century gadgets, I've decided that if the next 30 days are going to end in the greatest moment of my sporting life, there's no time like the present than to capture this momentous month by writing my first ever Blog.

I hope you enjoy my take on the FIFA World Cup 2006. You may not agree with all my opinions but that's what football's all about. You may also get to realise that I'm quite an excitable, passionate and patriotic chap who when it comes to the national team, wears his heart on his sleeve and his Three Lions on a shirt. A typical England fan, basically.

So it's day one of World Cup 2006. The wait, the anticipation is over. Now it's time to, quite literally, feel the heat....

Opening Ceremony

FIFA has gathered an impressive array of talent from World Cups past. Pele, Charlton, Matthaus, Desailly, an ancient-looking Rudi Voller, Ricky 'Christopher Lee' Villa, they're all there. And Claudia Schiffer for some reason. Hope they don't ask her to take a penalty.

Germany v Costa Rica

They say you should never write off the Germans. 'Off The Germans'. There, I've done it.

Ballack is injured, but he says he's fit. So California-tanned Klinsmann leaves him out. The German camp in disarray? That means they'll probably win the whole thing. Borowski plays in midfield, Klose and Podolski form the front two.

My prediction beforehand is 3-2 to Germany. Just don't think either defence is very good and both teams like to attack. Under the gung-ho Klinsmann, once one fifth of a kamikaze attack line at Spurs, the hosts have abandoned their traditional mean defensive efficiency in favour of suicidal all-out goal-seeking. Hence they were routed by Italy and barely drew with Japan in pre-tournament friendlies. As for Costa Rica, the CONCACAF qualifying mainstays lost 5-2 to Brazil four years ago, so they too have form for both shipping and scoring a few.

BBC Coverage

Must break off to mention that a BBC website poll today, however biased, saw 92% vote to say BBC's World Cup coverage is usually better than ITV's. Yeah, even taking Garth Crooks into account. But I can see Martin O'Neill's off-tangent ramblings starting to grate after a while. As he himself pointed out: "With interview skills like mine, no wonder I didn't get the England job." All four of the Beeb pundits are worryingly pro-England. Shearer backs them to win it, Hansen says they are one of four who can win it. Cripes, maybe we do have a chance after all?

First Half

Looking down the German line during the national anthem and apart from Jens Lehmann, don't recognise any of them. Where are the immediately identifiable superstars of Teutonic past? Where are the Rummenigges and Matthauses? This faceless mob don't strike terror into my English heart, not any more.

Goal after six minutes and I missed it. Had to make the kids' tea. Replays show a cracking effort from left back Philipp Lahm. 1-0 to Germany.

Within six minutes Paolo Wanchope springs the offside trap and slots past Lehmann. Crikey, Hansen was right. The Germans can't hold the line. Note to English fans - imagine Michael Owen hanging on the shoulder of the last defender and salivate.

17 minutes gone and it's 2-1. Good work by Schneider and Schweinsteiger down the right, it's banged across the six yard box and Klose poaches at the far post. Bastian Schweinsteiger. I love that name. He's the German Rooney - bullish, runs at people, makes things happen. I knew this would be a good one.

Half-time. Germany clearly the better side.

Second Half

61 minutes gone, the excellent Lahm whips in a cross, Klose's header is saved by Porras but he pokes in the rebound. That' s seven in World Cups now for the modern-day Gerd Muller. Jonathan Pearce (they must be saving Motty for tomorrow) cheerfully informs us Klose grabbed 26 in 25 games in the Bundesliga too.

The atmosphere inside the Olympic Stadium seems strangely subdued though. Arrogant Germans, they expect to win every time, don't they? Well hold on to your Black Forest Gateaux, because Costa Rica's arch string-puller Centano slips one in behind the Germans again and Wanchope keeps his footing to make it 3-2. I've always liked Wanchope since he scored for Derby at Old Trafford after dancing around half the Man United team a few years ago.

It IS 3-2 to Germany, but just as I'm cursing not being a betting man, Poborskyalike Torsten Frings hammers home a 30 yard thunderbolt to make it 4-2 with three minutes left.

Thoughts

Best opening game ever. Who'd have thought the Germans would turn into Brazil circa 1982? Attacking with wild abandon, shooting on sight from 140 yards and yet criminally suspect at the back. With Ballack to return, and with what appears to be an easy group, they might yet just do what they always do and annoyingly go far. No yellow cards in this game either, what a refreshing change.

The Mood In Blighty

It's hot, damn hot here in England. And it has been for days. There's England flags everywhere. Arguments raged in the office about who owns the most cheap England-themed tat. For my part, I have two giant inflatable England hands, England flags, bunting, England pencil case, giant inflatable football-shaped garden seat, England gazebo (but too big to put up in my pokey garden, as discovered this evening) and England garden gnome. Who says patriotism is dead?

Poland v Ecuador

Studying the form, expected Poland to win this. They scored loads in qualifying while the altitude-hogging South Americans have poor form on Euro soil.

Didn't watch all of it. It's one of those World Cup games you could happily miss. Plus it's on ITV.

Turgid first 20 minutes. Poland are physically strong, grinding forward, but with no guile. Ecuador are lightweight at the back and mobile, if timid, going forward. Neither side appears to have improved since they both failed miserably in 2002.

23 minutes gone, a long throw is flicked on by Delgado and Carlos Tenorio ghosts in to nod home. 1-0 to Ecuador.

The men in yellow grow in confidence. They defend stoutly and counterattack brightly. Poland chug forward remorselessly, but have no end product.

10 minutes left and Kaviedes gets in behind the Poles, slides it across the six yard box and Delgado has an easy tap in. 2-0. The third correct border-line offside decision of the day. Well done to the officials, so far.

The Poles hit the woodwork twice in the last five minutes. Goalkeeper Mora may look an arse with his Ecuador flag facepaint on both cheeks, but he survives with goal intact.

Amazingly, a team with two Premiership no-hopers, De La Cruz of Aston Villa and Southampton reject Delgado, post a comfortable 2-0 win. England might play Ecudaor, Costa Rica or Poland in the second round. We have nothing to fear.